Yes, you read that correctly. I'm still in shock over it myself, and how easily my unpleasant experience could have been prevented if I had understood what was going on. So what happened?
I wish I could have said it was something awesome, like getting sucked into another world where I was some kind of hero, and playing Narnia and nearly getting killed in the process, or fighting off a demonic horde. We all want our deaths, and near-deaths to be something we can be somewhat happy with in the end. (or at least I do)
So what DID happen? The answer is simple: dehydration. I hadn't recovered from all the hard work I did moving furniture, or the stress of moving, and then it got hot. For some reason I didn't realize how thirsty I was, even when I had something to drink. I'd been feeling tired, figured it had to do with the birth control meds I was taking, dosed myself up on caffeine, went on a modeling gig, the photographer bought me a frappe, and six hours later when I get home, and go to the store with Tony (Erelin) I have sudden numbness/tingling and leg pain, I sit down trying to handle it, and suddenly my vision went fuzzy like a bad tv. Tony managed to get me half-way out of the store before I went completely blind. It was total darkness. I managed to keep myself from passing out, helped by Tony repeatedly telling me to stay with him. We got outside, and within a couple of minutes, my vision started returning. Everything was black, but I was suddenly able to vaguely discern shapes in the darkness. Eventually it all came back, and everything was ok.
During the experience, I genuinely thought I might be dying. My hearing was going in and out, my sense of touch, including ability to feel temperature was gone, and I'd gone completely blind. I wasn't sure why I might be dying (my guess was blood clot from the birth control at the time) but I prayed to the gods, and I kept thinking to myself "Is this really it? I've barely made it anywhere, I never got very far, fuck this is a shitty way to go."
Once I recovered, and went over all of this, I had a realization. I could have died. I didn't, thank the gods, (and Tony, and the fact that I'm stubborn as a mule) but I could have. I've been putting off my magical practices and putting them off "oh, I'll just take a break, and jump into it when we get into the new place" or "hmm the house is a mess, I should really clean it, and find time to do my meditations later." It just gets so damn easy to put things off and put things off.
If I want to get ANYTHING done, I need a strict regimen. I need to put myself on a sleep schedule, I need to eat (and drink) at certain times, I need to set specific times for magical work, and stick to them. My mentality has been "I've got plenty of time, I'll get to it later" Fuck that shit, what time? I almost DIED. I don't know how much time I have. People have told me in the past "you know, you could die tomorrow" and I agreed, but I didn't ever actually grock it. I never actually consciously understood what that meant. I just smiled, nodded, and went on with my day. I have disrespected myself, and disrespected those who have tried to teach me; human and divine. For that I am ashamed.
It's pathetic that I had to almost die to actually see what I've done.
The exploratory writings and magical experiences of a Hermetic Egypto-Pagan.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Update on the Phoenix Goddess Temple
An update on the Phoenix Goddess Temple arrests can be found here.
It appears that I was right that they broke multiple laws. There was also a six month investigation before the raid, which showed that acts of prostitution were taking place. I'm not really surprised, and we need to realize as a pagan community that every time we see a "victim" who happens to be pagan, in the news, it doesn't always mean that they were being discriminated against.
It appears that I was right that they broke multiple laws. There was also a six month investigation before the raid, which showed that acts of prostitution were taking place. I'm not really surprised, and we need to realize as a pagan community that every time we see a "victim" who happens to be pagan, in the news, it doesn't always mean that they were being discriminated against.
Sacred Sexuality and the Law
If you've been following some of the latest news in the pagan blogosphere, you've heard about the raids on two pagan churches in Arizona.
As a pagan, and as a magician, I understand the power sexual energy has, and how it can be transformative if used correctly. I understand that in the distant past, there were sacred prostitutes in such places as the temples of Aphrodite. I understand that sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of, and that it can be a beautiful thing.
Regardless of this, regardless of ancient traditions, it is completely irresponsible and illegal to try to create a business around services surrounding sexual healing services. It doesn't matter if they genuinely were practicing their religion. They took donations for their "church" for their business, which focused on providing sexual services.
Prostitution, no matter how sacred you may think it is, is illegal. I do have a lot of respect for the people who work in that arena, as I've seen bits and pieces of what that world is like, throughout my years of meeting people as a figure model. But the bottom line is, they broke the law, and weren't shy about it. I'm frankly disgusted at how many people are saying we need to rally behind these people who were arrested, for blatantly breaking multiple laws, all because they had "goddess" in their name, and claimed to be a part of the pagan community.
Besides breaking the law by taking money for sexual services, many of these people also called themselves councilors, and offered "counciling" services. From what I have heard, none of these people had a degree in anything, from any remotely accredited or respected institution. It is also illegal (though the law varies by state) to claim to provide psychological services when you have no degree or license to practice in that area. At most, some of these women had semi-formal massage training. (I say semi-formal, because the school in question that provided them with instruction is no longer in existence)
As pagans, we need to not rally behind these people, but distance ourselves from them! This is NOT a case of religious discrimination. This is NOT a case of gender discrimination, patriarchy, or whatever other discriminatory bullshit you choose to label this with. If you disagree, feel free to go back to your burning times conspiracy theories. Laws were broken, and the police had every right to arrest these people involved. Period, end of story, until I see something solid in the news that says differently. By saying that we should rally behind them, you're saying that we should rally behind criminals. That isn't ok, and it makes the rest of the pagan community look bad. I'd like to think that we're smarter, and better than that.
As a pagan, and as a magician, I understand the power sexual energy has, and how it can be transformative if used correctly. I understand that in the distant past, there were sacred prostitutes in such places as the temples of Aphrodite. I understand that sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of, and that it can be a beautiful thing.
Regardless of this, regardless of ancient traditions, it is completely irresponsible and illegal to try to create a business around services surrounding sexual healing services. It doesn't matter if they genuinely were practicing their religion. They took donations for their "church" for their business, which focused on providing sexual services.
Prostitution, no matter how sacred you may think it is, is illegal. I do have a lot of respect for the people who work in that arena, as I've seen bits and pieces of what that world is like, throughout my years of meeting people as a figure model. But the bottom line is, they broke the law, and weren't shy about it. I'm frankly disgusted at how many people are saying we need to rally behind these people who were arrested, for blatantly breaking multiple laws, all because they had "goddess" in their name, and claimed to be a part of the pagan community.
Besides breaking the law by taking money for sexual services, many of these people also called themselves councilors, and offered "counciling" services. From what I have heard, none of these people had a degree in anything, from any remotely accredited or respected institution. It is also illegal (though the law varies by state) to claim to provide psychological services when you have no degree or license to practice in that area. At most, some of these women had semi-formal massage training. (I say semi-formal, because the school in question that provided them with instruction is no longer in existence)
As pagans, we need to not rally behind these people, but distance ourselves from them! This is NOT a case of religious discrimination. This is NOT a case of gender discrimination, patriarchy, or whatever other discriminatory bullshit you choose to label this with. If you disagree, feel free to go back to your burning times conspiracy theories. Laws were broken, and the police had every right to arrest these people involved. Period, end of story, until I see something solid in the news that says differently. By saying that we should rally behind them, you're saying that we should rally behind criminals. That isn't ok, and it makes the rest of the pagan community look bad. I'd like to think that we're smarter, and better than that.
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