In the next couple of days, I'll begin the first leg of moving to a different apartment in a different town, in a different state. But for now, I'm packing up my life, and getting ready to move on. It's strange really. The last couple places I lived, I was eager to move on. I was eager to get out, and get into somewhere new. This time it's different. I've established a home here. My home is my sanctuary, and I have made it such, through both my magical work, and the fact that I've lived here comfortably for the past year and a half.
While I do look forward to living in downtown Olympia, getting back into the swing of things with college, and starting fresh in a place with even more potential...It feels strange to be sifting through everything, downsizing on everything I own, and packing up what I'm keeping. It's that feeling that you're right at a crossroads in life, and you've got things pulling you two different ways. I've got that now, and while it isn't fun, I know it's necessary. Culling the things I own, but don't need, or use is necessary, and even moreso before I take the next steps to a fresh start in a new place.
I'm greatly looking forward to establishing my new magical space in Olympia, and installing the ladder I'm going to need, to get up to the loft where I'll be practicing. I like the symbolism there too :)
Wednesday morning, I'll do a rite to clear my energy from this place, so it'll be fresh for the next person who moves in. Hopefully they'll feel as welcome here as I have.
Then it's off to near the Canadian border for a couple weeks to wait for the apartment in Olympia to be ready for us to move in. I'll be in the Seattle area off and on between the 3rd and the 14th doing some work as well, but mostly I'm going to be able to take a nice big break from things for a couple of weeks, before getting settled in at the new place.
The exploratory writings and magical experiences of a Hermetic Egypto-Pagan.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The dangers of Imbalance
I think I'm starting to understand why so many people follow organized belief systems: It's HARD to forge your own spiritual path, and it also has the potential to be dangerous. Self discovery is hard enough, but self discovery and spiritual growth through a system that hasn't been explored and written extensively about by others..it's something else entirely.
My work with Sekhmet has taken me far, but after yesterday, I've decided that it's important that I re-integrate Anubis into my active spiritual practice if I'm going to continue to work actively with Sekhmet. Why? Because now I've integrated her into my life to the point that I've hit a tipping point. Too much of a good thing can be bad. When I first went into this path, if I had faced confrontation, my first instinct would have been to run, to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Yesterday, I was severely wronged by an individual, and this person completely messed up my life plans that I had been working on for months. I found this out through a mutual acquaintance, and I felt myself snap. I nearly had to be physically restrained by Erelin to prevent me from ripping down the door and "dealing" with the problem. The part of me that I have been cultivating through Sekhmet was at the forefront, and I wanted revenge. I wanted justice, I wanted blood. I didn't want to run away from confrontation, I wanted to run right into it, and dominate the person who had wronged me. I wanted to crush them. I felt as if my body was as hers, leonine, with great fangs, and I felt power and strength fill me along with the rage.
Let no one forget that Sekhmet is the Lion of War, and a Goddess of rage and bloodlust. I don't run from conflict anymore, I'm not afraid of it. But I should not relish it. I should not desire to crush others. This was too much. I was overcome by rage, and I had to be talked down from doing anything stupid. Sekhmet is definitely power, but she is also blind rage, and this energy has to be tempered or it will consume you. She is firey and Solar, and Anubis is watery and Lunar. To be where I need to be, I need to balance the two, and grow from that union, and from there? I don't know yet.
I understand that what I am doing, that forging my own path is dangerous, but this is what I have always done, and this is what I will continue to do, until I find something else that clicks and helps me to grow more into a stronger and better person.
As for that individual? Some magick is definitely in order.
My work with Sekhmet has taken me far, but after yesterday, I've decided that it's important that I re-integrate Anubis into my active spiritual practice if I'm going to continue to work actively with Sekhmet. Why? Because now I've integrated her into my life to the point that I've hit a tipping point. Too much of a good thing can be bad. When I first went into this path, if I had faced confrontation, my first instinct would have been to run, to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Yesterday, I was severely wronged by an individual, and this person completely messed up my life plans that I had been working on for months. I found this out through a mutual acquaintance, and I felt myself snap. I nearly had to be physically restrained by Erelin to prevent me from ripping down the door and "dealing" with the problem. The part of me that I have been cultivating through Sekhmet was at the forefront, and I wanted revenge. I wanted justice, I wanted blood. I didn't want to run away from confrontation, I wanted to run right into it, and dominate the person who had wronged me. I wanted to crush them. I felt as if my body was as hers, leonine, with great fangs, and I felt power and strength fill me along with the rage.
Let no one forget that Sekhmet is the Lion of War, and a Goddess of rage and bloodlust. I don't run from conflict anymore, I'm not afraid of it. But I should not relish it. I should not desire to crush others. This was too much. I was overcome by rage, and I had to be talked down from doing anything stupid. Sekhmet is definitely power, but she is also blind rage, and this energy has to be tempered or it will consume you. She is firey and Solar, and Anubis is watery and Lunar. To be where I need to be, I need to balance the two, and grow from that union, and from there? I don't know yet.
I understand that what I am doing, that forging my own path is dangerous, but this is what I have always done, and this is what I will continue to do, until I find something else that clicks and helps me to grow more into a stronger and better person.
As for that individual? Some magick is definitely in order.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Money Magic and Ceromancy
During my stay here in Seattle, I made my way over to Edge of the Circle, and picked up some "Fast Luck Oil" and a money candle, and finally got a proper incense for Sekhmet from Rosarium Blends.
I'll admit, this was going to be my first time doing money magic, and while my finances have been good here, they could be better. So I decided to give it a shot.
I did my work on Sunday, during the hour of Jupiter. Carved the symbol of Jupiter into the candle, dressed the candle with my Fast Luck oil, prayed my intentions of what avenues I wanted used to grant me the money I wanted (you know, not having someone die and leave me money, that sort of thing)
The candle burned oddly compared to other candles I've burnt. The other candles I've burnt have mainly been offerings to gods, and spirits. They seem to get eaten right up, down to almost the last drop of wax. It just evaporates as if the candle was never there. I honestly thought that this was typical of candles, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
This time, the candle I burned melted into a puddle. This was so strange to me, that I looked it up. I was sure it had to mean "something" other than "oh, my candle melted into a puddle and all the wax is still here) And after a little research I discovered a form of divination called Ceromancy, or the art of reading candles/candle wax. There seems to be a couple of forms of this. One form involves "reading" the candle as it burns, and watching signs of things like smoke, crackling, speed of melting, how the candle melts, when the candle burns out, etc. The other involves taking hot candle wax and dripping it into some cold water, and reading the shapes the wax take.
I'd actually been doing some of this for a long time, and never knew that there was a word for it. I'd watch the candles and "read" them for any signs the gods/spirits might have been trying to tell me. How quickly the candle burned, how easily it lit, how much of the candle was left over.. to me these things told me important things about how the spirit was accepting the offering, if they were accepting it. If it was sluggish, I noted what planetary hour I was doing my offerings in, and considered that it may have been a poor hour for working with them.
Now that I know that there's an actual word for this, and much more to reading candles than I have currently learned, I'm planning on learning much more about this art. It's quite useful, and the better I can understand it, the better my workings will be.
I'll admit, this was going to be my first time doing money magic, and while my finances have been good here, they could be better. So I decided to give it a shot.
I did my work on Sunday, during the hour of Jupiter. Carved the symbol of Jupiter into the candle, dressed the candle with my Fast Luck oil, prayed my intentions of what avenues I wanted used to grant me the money I wanted (you know, not having someone die and leave me money, that sort of thing)
The candle burned oddly compared to other candles I've burnt. The other candles I've burnt have mainly been offerings to gods, and spirits. They seem to get eaten right up, down to almost the last drop of wax. It just evaporates as if the candle was never there. I honestly thought that this was typical of candles, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
This time, the candle I burned melted into a puddle. This was so strange to me, that I looked it up. I was sure it had to mean "something" other than "oh, my candle melted into a puddle and all the wax is still here) And after a little research I discovered a form of divination called Ceromancy, or the art of reading candles/candle wax. There seems to be a couple of forms of this. One form involves "reading" the candle as it burns, and watching signs of things like smoke, crackling, speed of melting, how the candle melts, when the candle burns out, etc. The other involves taking hot candle wax and dripping it into some cold water, and reading the shapes the wax take.
I'd actually been doing some of this for a long time, and never knew that there was a word for it. I'd watch the candles and "read" them for any signs the gods/spirits might have been trying to tell me. How quickly the candle burned, how easily it lit, how much of the candle was left over.. to me these things told me important things about how the spirit was accepting the offering, if they were accepting it. If it was sluggish, I noted what planetary hour I was doing my offerings in, and considered that it may have been a poor hour for working with them.
Now that I know that there's an actual word for this, and much more to reading candles than I have currently learned, I'm planning on learning much more about this art. It's quite useful, and the better I can understand it, the better my workings will be.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lucid Dreaming, and how to protect yourself magically when you sleep
After a recent event, I want to talk about lucid dreaming.
This is a skill that I'm sure a lot of people have heard of, but not everyone knows how to achieve.
You may be familiar with the idea of recording your dreams or becoming more aware of them, but I've discovered a very useful trick that seems to work wonders for making you go lucid while in your dream.
But why would you want to take control of your dreams? Sure there's the idea that you could direct your dreams, fly around, visit fantastic places in your head, but there's the other side of the coin: Sometimes we get stuck in nightmares with no idea how to wake up or get out.
The latter was the case with me yesterday evening. I have been visiting a friend, and after noticing some odd energy and disturbances in the kitchen (with nothing there when I checked) one night, within 24 hours I had a strange and terrifying string of nightmares when I took a nap. What strikes me the most about this, is that I was experiencing horrors for days in the dream, and I was only asleep for an hour and a half, and an entity presented itself to me in the nightmare, and tried to "claim" me. while I was finding myself in a pit of my own insanity. Very Lovecraftian really, complete with tentacle-like tendrils.
I managed to break out. How? I've observed my dreams enough to know the strange patterns that seem to fill my creepy dream worlds: doors that hinge on the wrong side, rooms that are clean when they are normally cluttered- basically things that are subtle but still quite creepy and give a feeling of "wrongness" I know my mind well enough to know what to look for subconsciously to break out of a dream I want no part of. I've developed a method where I will bite my thumb if I think that I'm dreaming. If I am dreaming, the thumb will deflate like a creepy balloon. If I'm not dreaming, it will hurt like a bitch, and leave bite marks. If you create a way to check yourself on whether you're dreaming or not, and make it something that's important, something that you memorize, something that will become second nature to you if you're dreaming to do...then you've got a weapon against dreams you don't want. You can break out, no matter how bad the nightmare.
I have since erected proper wards against the negative energy hanging around, and have added a prayer to Anubis and Sekhmet before I sleep here.
Sekhmet, Lion of War, protect me from those that wish me harm as I sleep tonight.
Illuminate any plot against me, and those who may wish me harm. Help me to see the truth.
Anubis, guide and guardian, guard my path tonight as I sleep, so that my mind and soul do not wander into places of darkness. Stand with me, and protect me from harm.
This simple idea for a prayer will work with other gods as well, and you can tailor it to your needs. I've been sleeping like a log since I started doing it.
Combined with being able to know when you're dreaming, and break out of any negative dreams, you have a potent tool against getting caught in nightmares, whether influenced by outside forces, or natural.
A cleaning is also in order for the place I am staying, but I will take care of that as I am able. I hope to pick up some Florida water tomorrow, and clear out any negative energies, and keep them out. I'll probably talk about how that goes when I'm able to do it.
This is a skill that I'm sure a lot of people have heard of, but not everyone knows how to achieve.
You may be familiar with the idea of recording your dreams or becoming more aware of them, but I've discovered a very useful trick that seems to work wonders for making you go lucid while in your dream.
But why would you want to take control of your dreams? Sure there's the idea that you could direct your dreams, fly around, visit fantastic places in your head, but there's the other side of the coin: Sometimes we get stuck in nightmares with no idea how to wake up or get out.
The latter was the case with me yesterday evening. I have been visiting a friend, and after noticing some odd energy and disturbances in the kitchen (with nothing there when I checked) one night, within 24 hours I had a strange and terrifying string of nightmares when I took a nap. What strikes me the most about this, is that I was experiencing horrors for days in the dream, and I was only asleep for an hour and a half, and an entity presented itself to me in the nightmare, and tried to "claim" me. while I was finding myself in a pit of my own insanity. Very Lovecraftian really, complete with tentacle-like tendrils.
I managed to break out. How? I've observed my dreams enough to know the strange patterns that seem to fill my creepy dream worlds: doors that hinge on the wrong side, rooms that are clean when they are normally cluttered- basically things that are subtle but still quite creepy and give a feeling of "wrongness" I know my mind well enough to know what to look for subconsciously to break out of a dream I want no part of. I've developed a method where I will bite my thumb if I think that I'm dreaming. If I am dreaming, the thumb will deflate like a creepy balloon. If I'm not dreaming, it will hurt like a bitch, and leave bite marks. If you create a way to check yourself on whether you're dreaming or not, and make it something that's important, something that you memorize, something that will become second nature to you if you're dreaming to do...then you've got a weapon against dreams you don't want. You can break out, no matter how bad the nightmare.
I have since erected proper wards against the negative energy hanging around, and have added a prayer to Anubis and Sekhmet before I sleep here.
Sekhmet, Lion of War, protect me from those that wish me harm as I sleep tonight.
Illuminate any plot against me, and those who may wish me harm. Help me to see the truth.
Anubis, guide and guardian, guard my path tonight as I sleep, so that my mind and soul do not wander into places of darkness. Stand with me, and protect me from harm.
This simple idea for a prayer will work with other gods as well, and you can tailor it to your needs. I've been sleeping like a log since I started doing it.
Combined with being able to know when you're dreaming, and break out of any negative dreams, you have a potent tool against getting caught in nightmares, whether influenced by outside forces, or natural.
A cleaning is also in order for the place I am staying, but I will take care of that as I am able. I hope to pick up some Florida water tomorrow, and clear out any negative energies, and keep them out. I'll probably talk about how that goes when I'm able to do it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Professionalism- He does not have it
One of the problems I run into with modeling of any kind, is how to get information out of photographers about what it is they actually want. I've gotten pretty good at this, and my work with Sekhmet seems to help me perfect the art of "candor" I've learned to be blunt and open, so that everything is on the table. The other side of the coin is that this is also the art of calling people on their bullshit, and often open and blunt, isn't very polite.
I've been chatting back and forth with a photographer out near Olympia, and was setting up a shoot with him. He'd seemed a little odd, but I was sure it was just him being eccentric. When I confirmed that I was interested, and wanted to set up a day to work with him, he sent me this:
"You'll be shooting erotica with my 35 year old son.
He will pay your rate and do the shoot. I am asking him to do some experimental work for me with the use of an iPhone instaed of a pro camera - it's easiier to tavel with less elecronic gear through TSA and is lighter weight using less battery than normal - yet the results are much better than expected. "
Whoa, whoa, wait, what?
First off, where did the "erotica" bit come from, and why are you getting your son, who I have never talked to, who we never discussed, to shoot pictures of me, when you said YOU were going to do it?
This was the stuff going through my head, instead I replied with:
"(Name of Photographer),
I'm going to have to decline. I signed up to shoot with you, not someone I know nothing about, and the fact that this has been sprung on me like this makes me very uncomfortable. I do not think I will be working with you"
He replied, saying that "We're not monsters dear" but at this point it's not worth saying more.
Sekhmet has reinforced the idea that I need to stand up for what I believe in, walk my talk, and regardless of any justifications this person can give, therefore I shouldn't give them any of my time at this point.
Regardless of whether or not these individuals are "monsters," it doesn't matter. Humans make errors in judgment, it's part of what makes us human. Some of us make errors in judgment more often than others, and that includes things like poor communication skills and pushing boundaries without meaning to. In a high risk choice of work like I'm in, I can't afford to accept apologies and justifications. I travel around the country, often alone, to model for strange people with cameras who I have often never met. An error was made, and it was one that completely disregarded any common sense about communicating logistics, which is a huge part of being a professional in any field.
There was a time that I would have felt guilty for turning down a job because someone made a mistake. I was more desperate then, and I didn't have the sense of self and confidence that I have gained since beginning my work with Sekhmet. I don't have to justify myself to anyone. I'm better than that. I'm making at least enough by myself to keep my head above water. I go on fantastic adventures with photographers who drive me into the woods, or the desert to secluded places where few humans ever tread. I don't need people who give me the run around. I'm building relationships with awesome people out here who want to have a continuous mutually beneficial arrangement as professionals in our field.
I work hard to communicate clearly, put everything on the table, and be open to bartering when it comes to rate, and the budget of the photographer. I do my damnedest to make sure that I am comfortable, safe, and that the photographer is as well. I won't settle for anything less, and that's ok.
I'm worth it, and so are the people who I actually choose to work with. This is one of the biggest ways I've worked with Sekhmet and applied it to every day life. She is the Lion of War (physical as well as internal battles), she is Strength, and the lessons I have learned from her have been invaluable.
I've been chatting back and forth with a photographer out near Olympia, and was setting up a shoot with him. He'd seemed a little odd, but I was sure it was just him being eccentric. When I confirmed that I was interested, and wanted to set up a day to work with him, he sent me this:
"You'll be shooting erotica with my 35 year old son.
He will pay your rate and do the shoot. I am asking him to do some experimental work for me with the use of an iPhone instaed of a pro camera - it's easiier to tavel with less elecronic gear through TSA and is lighter weight using less battery than normal - yet the results are much better than expected. "
Whoa, whoa, wait, what?
First off, where did the "erotica" bit come from, and why are you getting your son, who I have never talked to, who we never discussed, to shoot pictures of me, when you said YOU were going to do it?
This was the stuff going through my head, instead I replied with:
"(Name of Photographer),
I'm going to have to decline. I signed up to shoot with you, not someone I know nothing about, and the fact that this has been sprung on me like this makes me very uncomfortable. I do not think I will be working with you"
He replied, saying that "We're not monsters dear" but at this point it's not worth saying more.
Sekhmet has reinforced the idea that I need to stand up for what I believe in, walk my talk, and regardless of any justifications this person can give, therefore I shouldn't give them any of my time at this point.
Regardless of whether or not these individuals are "monsters," it doesn't matter. Humans make errors in judgment, it's part of what makes us human. Some of us make errors in judgment more often than others, and that includes things like poor communication skills and pushing boundaries without meaning to. In a high risk choice of work like I'm in, I can't afford to accept apologies and justifications. I travel around the country, often alone, to model for strange people with cameras who I have often never met. An error was made, and it was one that completely disregarded any common sense about communicating logistics, which is a huge part of being a professional in any field.
There was a time that I would have felt guilty for turning down a job because someone made a mistake. I was more desperate then, and I didn't have the sense of self and confidence that I have gained since beginning my work with Sekhmet. I don't have to justify myself to anyone. I'm better than that. I'm making at least enough by myself to keep my head above water. I go on fantastic adventures with photographers who drive me into the woods, or the desert to secluded places where few humans ever tread. I don't need people who give me the run around. I'm building relationships with awesome people out here who want to have a continuous mutually beneficial arrangement as professionals in our field.
I work hard to communicate clearly, put everything on the table, and be open to bartering when it comes to rate, and the budget of the photographer. I do my damnedest to make sure that I am comfortable, safe, and that the photographer is as well. I won't settle for anything less, and that's ok.
I'm worth it, and so are the people who I actually choose to work with. This is one of the biggest ways I've worked with Sekhmet and applied it to every day life. She is the Lion of War (physical as well as internal battles), she is Strength, and the lessons I have learned from her have been invaluable.
Smooth Sailing
After last month's ups and downs, August looks to be a much better month.
As planned, I've been praying to the goddess Columbia, offering my support against the "Response" and the "christian prayer warriors" who do things like pray for people they don't agree with to get cancer and go blind.
I'm currently visiting Seattle, and have gone on numerous adventures since my arrival to the area. After my first rideshare flaked out on me, I managed to procure one just hours before I needed to leave to get to a scheduled photoshoot.
After my shoot (which was awesome) I went on my first motorcycle ride for the next leg of the trip. I clung like a backpack to the guy driving, while mentally praying to Sekhmet to give me strength, while zipping down the road at 80mph and going over hills from Tacoma to arrive at my destination in Seattle. It was pretty intense to say the least. Though apparently I didn't do too bad as a passenger.
I had to make an emergency trip back to Portland, where I made an offering to Sekhmet, and did some cleansing work before I left for Seattle again.
Since then I've been around some wonderful magical people, and done a lot of photo shoots. In the past few days, I've been all over Washington state, accidentally discovered an army training facility in the middle of the desert, got paid to do all sorts of crazy things, and went frolicking in a frog pond (there were dozens of them) and got pictures taken while skinny dipping as a creature from the black lagoon (I was covered in pond scum, and had fish nibbling my toes; it was awesome)
Work is coming steadily, and I'm making connections left and right out here for future work when I live in Olympia. I've already nearly made what I need for my portion of rent/deposit for the apartment that Erelin and I are planning on getting. I've still got six days out here too! It's looking to be a very promising month, and hopefully, I will be introduced to more people out here soon.
I'm terribly sunburned after yesterday's adventure, but It'll pass pretty quick. Right now I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit, before another shoot tomorrow, and invoking Sekhmet to enjoy the big beef heart in the fridge that I'll be grilling up later.
As planned, I've been praying to the goddess Columbia, offering my support against the "Response" and the "christian prayer warriors" who do things like pray for people they don't agree with to get cancer and go blind.
I'm currently visiting Seattle, and have gone on numerous adventures since my arrival to the area. After my first rideshare flaked out on me, I managed to procure one just hours before I needed to leave to get to a scheduled photoshoot.
After my shoot (which was awesome) I went on my first motorcycle ride for the next leg of the trip. I clung like a backpack to the guy driving, while mentally praying to Sekhmet to give me strength, while zipping down the road at 80mph and going over hills from Tacoma to arrive at my destination in Seattle. It was pretty intense to say the least. Though apparently I didn't do too bad as a passenger.
I had to make an emergency trip back to Portland, where I made an offering to Sekhmet, and did some cleansing work before I left for Seattle again.
Since then I've been around some wonderful magical people, and done a lot of photo shoots. In the past few days, I've been all over Washington state, accidentally discovered an army training facility in the middle of the desert, got paid to do all sorts of crazy things, and went frolicking in a frog pond (there were dozens of them) and got pictures taken while skinny dipping as a creature from the black lagoon (I was covered in pond scum, and had fish nibbling my toes; it was awesome)
Work is coming steadily, and I'm making connections left and right out here for future work when I live in Olympia. I've already nearly made what I need for my portion of rent/deposit for the apartment that Erelin and I are planning on getting. I've still got six days out here too! It's looking to be a very promising month, and hopefully, I will be introduced to more people out here soon.
I'm terribly sunburned after yesterday's adventure, but It'll pass pretty quick. Right now I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit, before another shoot tomorrow, and invoking Sekhmet to enjoy the big beef heart in the fridge that I'll be grilling up later.
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