Now that I have a tumblr together, I'm bringing this blog to a close. Maybe I'll revive it someday, but I doubt it.
If you want to follow my art, you can follow me on Tumblr: http://astraljackal.tumblr.com/
:)
The exploratory writings and magical experiences of a Hermetic Egypto-Pagan.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Changes
I feel like I'm outgrowing this little place on the web, and outgrowing talking about my experiences and my practices and beliefs in general. The farther I go down the rabbit hole, the more I seem to come back, re-observe my surroundings, and realize that often what I know is not what I think I knew. In turn, this means that I know nothing.
Your Truth might not be the same as mine, and if there is one thing I have learned that is crucial on this journey of life...is that you have to find your own answers. If you just have answers handed to you, it becomes meaningless, and the value of those answers cannot be truly comprehended as a result.
It is so easy to treat the pursuit of magic and knowledge in ways that fall into something as futile as mental masturbation. Without the practice, without diving in and having those experiences, mentally going through the motions and trying to understand them, will never bear the fruit you're looking for. You might think you find them, and then you reach out to grasp them, and find that it was just another fantasy, another perverse creation of an arrogant mind, claiming to understand how the cogs of the universe turn, and sometimes even WHY they do.
For some, magic is something that is a means to an end. For others, magic is a study, and the "science" of the metaphysical world....to others, it's a little bit of both. But getting back to the point... it's pointless. At this point, my practices and my beliefs are so mired in personal experience, inside jokes, and...life, that I don't feel I can really continue to speak of my personal journey to everyone.
So, instead, I've decided to focus my online presence into my art, and let it show my growth and progress in another medium. I don't want to tell you what to think- what you think and how you interpret the world is up to you.
I'm working on starting a Tumblr to do this, and in turn use this to challenge myself and grow into a better person and artist. This blog is kind of dead, and I'm starting to think that maybe it should stay that way. I can do better, so I will.
Your Truth might not be the same as mine, and if there is one thing I have learned that is crucial on this journey of life...is that you have to find your own answers. If you just have answers handed to you, it becomes meaningless, and the value of those answers cannot be truly comprehended as a result.
It is so easy to treat the pursuit of magic and knowledge in ways that fall into something as futile as mental masturbation. Without the practice, without diving in and having those experiences, mentally going through the motions and trying to understand them, will never bear the fruit you're looking for. You might think you find them, and then you reach out to grasp them, and find that it was just another fantasy, another perverse creation of an arrogant mind, claiming to understand how the cogs of the universe turn, and sometimes even WHY they do.
For some, magic is something that is a means to an end. For others, magic is a study, and the "science" of the metaphysical world....to others, it's a little bit of both. But getting back to the point... it's pointless. At this point, my practices and my beliefs are so mired in personal experience, inside jokes, and...life, that I don't feel I can really continue to speak of my personal journey to everyone.
So, instead, I've decided to focus my online presence into my art, and let it show my growth and progress in another medium. I don't want to tell you what to think- what you think and how you interpret the world is up to you.
I'm working on starting a Tumblr to do this, and in turn use this to challenge myself and grow into a better person and artist. This blog is kind of dead, and I'm starting to think that maybe it should stay that way. I can do better, so I will.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Per-Sabu
It's been hectic here. It usually is when I haven't posted for a long time. I don't really have much to say myself, but ran across an incredible wealth of knowledge recently on the "jackal" deities of ancient Egypt. This was all collected by Bezenwepwy, a fellow Anubis/Wepwawet cultist :)
If you want to learn about Anubis, Wepwawet, other "jackal" entities related, and unrelated to them, go check out her website at: http://www.per-sabu.org/
There's more information and even photos of artifacts, murals, etc than you can shake a stick at.
I'm deep in some kind of weirdness with trying to find myself. Not sure when I'll be posting again.
If you want to learn about Anubis, Wepwawet, other "jackal" entities related, and unrelated to them, go check out her website at: http://www.per-sabu.org/
There's more information and even photos of artifacts, murals, etc than you can shake a stick at.
I'm deep in some kind of weirdness with trying to find myself. Not sure when I'll be posting again.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Death
Being someone who has worked with Anubis since a child, you'd think I must have known death. The truth is quite the opposite. I saw that which was dead. I felt the lingering presence, traces of the soul that was once there, and I also saw that which the soul had completely left, with no traces to be found.
To witness death, to witness the actual transition that takes place from life to death, is something else entirely. To witness death, and to understand what is happening, is to lose innocence. I never lost my innocence when I lost my virginity. I never lost my innocence even when later in my life I saw the dark underbelly of the world, and understood how closely I had come to....my own death.
We are always several steps from death, until it catches up with us. This is a fact of life. We are born, and one day we will also die. No matter how much we may want to not think about it, this will come to pass.
The death I witnessed, was not pretty. It was not slow, but it was not fast either. My attempts to save the life that passed between my fingertips, was started too late. I was ignorant, and so I failed. His heart had already stopped, and by the time he breathed out his last, his soul went out with his breath.
Og was there with me. We both tried to save this small, and fragile life that we held in our hands. Our breath, and our magic came too late. We didn't know that the breaths that the life before us was struggling to take, were because the heart had stopped. We didn't know that the gasps for air after the seizure were agonic breathing- the herald of death.
When you see death happen, you know it has happened. There is no mistaking it for anything else. When the soul has passed, you can tell that it has gone from the body. There is a reason that the soul is also called the "breath of life" in scripture. When you witness the final exhalation, the lungs deflate. The ribs show through, and it looks nothing like sleeping.... as rigamortis sets in, the body begins to re-inflate, giving the appearance of life, but this is false. It is a false hope, that will destroy you if you hold onto it. It is the denial of what you have just witnessed, because you have not been exposed to death. Your innocence has been lost, but you can't even comprehend it.
We are a society that hides death. Our sick and dying are kept in special facilities, rather than cared for in their final moments by their families and loved ones in their homes. We are never educated about it in any formal way. We only experience it typically, as older family members pass away as we ourselves age. We may or may not be invited, or even able to attend the funeral.
I was young when my grandfather died. I knew of death, and wanted to be able to say goodbye at the funeral. I was not allowed.
When my pets died as a child, I never saw the death. I usually came home from school, only to find that my parents had disposed of the body. My own dog was taken away by the gardeners, and disposed of in the trash.
We fear death as a society, so much, that we destroy the evidence of it, regardless of whether it is human, or "animal"
But I will tell you now, that life, is life. A human life measures the same as that as a lizard, if it is that which you love. In the end, all of us will some day breathe our final breath, and take our souls with it. But if you truly love something, someone, cherish it even as it dies. Cherish every moment you had with them, and respect them even in their death. That body was the precious vessel that carried the soul you loved so much. Never forget that time you shared, and send them off with love in your heart. Don't hate them for leaving you, and don't hate yourself out of fear that you failed them.
Grieve, send them off, and live on, taking your knowledge with you, so that maybe, you and that which you love, can find the happiness, and the peace that you have searched for.
Innocence is the veil that obscures Truth.
The worst thing we can do is force others to stay innocent, when knowing death, and how to honor those in death, can teach us the true value of life.
To witness death, to witness the actual transition that takes place from life to death, is something else entirely. To witness death, and to understand what is happening, is to lose innocence. I never lost my innocence when I lost my virginity. I never lost my innocence even when later in my life I saw the dark underbelly of the world, and understood how closely I had come to....my own death.
We are always several steps from death, until it catches up with us. This is a fact of life. We are born, and one day we will also die. No matter how much we may want to not think about it, this will come to pass.
The death I witnessed, was not pretty. It was not slow, but it was not fast either. My attempts to save the life that passed between my fingertips, was started too late. I was ignorant, and so I failed. His heart had already stopped, and by the time he breathed out his last, his soul went out with his breath.
Og was there with me. We both tried to save this small, and fragile life that we held in our hands. Our breath, and our magic came too late. We didn't know that the breaths that the life before us was struggling to take, were because the heart had stopped. We didn't know that the gasps for air after the seizure were agonic breathing- the herald of death.
When you see death happen, you know it has happened. There is no mistaking it for anything else. When the soul has passed, you can tell that it has gone from the body. There is a reason that the soul is also called the "breath of life" in scripture. When you witness the final exhalation, the lungs deflate. The ribs show through, and it looks nothing like sleeping.... as rigamortis sets in, the body begins to re-inflate, giving the appearance of life, but this is false. It is a false hope, that will destroy you if you hold onto it. It is the denial of what you have just witnessed, because you have not been exposed to death. Your innocence has been lost, but you can't even comprehend it.
We are a society that hides death. Our sick and dying are kept in special facilities, rather than cared for in their final moments by their families and loved ones in their homes. We are never educated about it in any formal way. We only experience it typically, as older family members pass away as we ourselves age. We may or may not be invited, or even able to attend the funeral.
I was young when my grandfather died. I knew of death, and wanted to be able to say goodbye at the funeral. I was not allowed.
When my pets died as a child, I never saw the death. I usually came home from school, only to find that my parents had disposed of the body. My own dog was taken away by the gardeners, and disposed of in the trash.
We fear death as a society, so much, that we destroy the evidence of it, regardless of whether it is human, or "animal"
But I will tell you now, that life, is life. A human life measures the same as that as a lizard, if it is that which you love. In the end, all of us will some day breathe our final breath, and take our souls with it. But if you truly love something, someone, cherish it even as it dies. Cherish every moment you had with them, and respect them even in their death. That body was the precious vessel that carried the soul you loved so much. Never forget that time you shared, and send them off with love in your heart. Don't hate them for leaving you, and don't hate yourself out of fear that you failed them.
Grieve, send them off, and live on, taking your knowledge with you, so that maybe, you and that which you love, can find the happiness, and the peace that you have searched for.
Innocence is the veil that obscures Truth.
The worst thing we can do is force others to stay innocent, when knowing death, and how to honor those in death, can teach us the true value of life.
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