2022

It's been a while since I've posted here.

Some of you have probably been wondering if I'm alive. Yes, I'm alive. Yes, I still think and write deeply on topics...though most of it has been for my own records and understanding.

I hesitate to say that I've become more of an armchair magician, but at some point during the height of isolation in my shed in the woods, I connected to something I hadn't before.

I realized my lack of knowledge, and strove to correct it. Since then I have re-acquainted myself with world mythology, history of ancient human migrations, and the evolution of language, my own perceptions colored by my own spoken language,  and started trying to unravel the symbol-language that exists within my own head. 

This is related to archetypes, but the archetypes themselves seem to be... influenced by a sort of allegorical symbol image-language in my own mind, that appears to be influenced by, or echoed by symbols used in storytelling and mythology through the ages. Trying to understand this has also started to finally unlock the tarot for me more, as well as the mystery of my own inner self-imagery. 

This I think at least for me, is part of the Great Work. - unraveling the tangle of time, and lost meanings of things, uncovering what is in plain sight, but unknown, dragging these things out of the darkness...especially when it comes to my own subconscious. 

To give an example of the rabbit hole I have found myself in:

Did you know that the modern word cracker, and the ancient Sanskrit for chakri/chakram, or circle are related? This is because in the area around ancient India and the Iranian Plateau, bread was not made with yeast, it was instead a round, unleavened flat bread, and sometimes these were baked into hard, crisp circles, more like we would associate with crackers or snack food today. Part of this region was also known as Bactria, which we can infer was known for its bread making, or specifically the processing of cereals with a wooden rod for pounding or stirring...as the Greek word baktron, refers to a staff, and Greek is closely related to ancient languages from the Iranian plateau. The Sanskrit word pac, which refers to the act of stirring, or baking, is considered to be the origin of the Greek root word bac/bak, as the B and P sounds are considered closely related linguistically.

The flat bread called bhakri, appears to have come from the same general area, and may have influenced our modern word for the place of bread-making, or the bakery. Thus food shapes, prep tools, and food-related place names from thousands of years ago, have shaped the concept of baking and crackers through the transmission of language and and now-ancient culture, across time and space into the present.

Often without thinking about it, we are influenced by our language and its history in ways that are difficult to fathom. Understanding ancient root words can help inform us to great changes that may have happened in history and religion as well. I think this is extremely important when it comes to being able to extrapolate how ancient people thought, back when the world was governed by pre-Christian thought and imagery....and I think that actually trying to understand their way of thinking, is crucial to trying to realize how our ancestors actually thought, and how it may differ from how we think now.

How does this tie in with the Great Work, and the symbolism of the tarot? It's because ancient peoples appear to have viewed the world and its workings through what we would now consider Hermetic principles.

The primary one that should be noted is the rule "As above so below" We as students of the mysteries hear this a lot, and have probably stumbled through trying to understand and apply it.

Because Pagan thought and philosophy in ancient Greece is probably the most well-documented, outside of Egypt and India, I will attempt to use it to explain this concept in a way that I hope people will be able to understand, and also understand the inner language within us. 

History tells us that there were groves of oak trees that were also somehow related to Zeus. The branches of the oaks reached towards the heavens, and the branches of oak trees fork like thunderbolts. Because the trees themselves were strong, old, and touched the heavens with a shape akin to lightning (and they were sometimes struck by lightning) they became considered a place where the Zeus would dwell, or be invoked into, and were thus sacred. 

How long has it been since you really looked at an oak tree? Have you ever considered its shape, and applied its mighty forking branches to memory? If this all seems poetic, you're right...and I think that poetry is a reflex action of trying to speak of that inner world, and the layers of it that we don't know how to describe otherwise. These forms of poetic imagery touch upon the spirit of something...like trying to look at what's casting the shadows in Plato's cave. 

If there is a symbol language that we mask things with, in the form of archetypes, or other symbols...what does this mean about the gods? Are the images we clothe them with, masks that we place on natural forces in an effort to tame and categorize them?  Does this, or should this change how we approach our interactions and perceptions of the divine? That might seem a little out there, or even eldrich... but time keeps showing me that the world is not what I thought it was.

If I want to be honest with myself and others, I have to push farther into the understanding of my own mind, to inform myself of the workings within my own existence. This is my Great Work, until I have progressed far enough to see the next mountain that must be climbed.

The Earth Doesn't Need Saving

It's been a long time since I've posted anything here. There have been a lot of changes in my life; both good and bad. That isn't what I want to talk about right now though.

The other day I was having one of those rare conversations with actual depth. We were talking about modern paganism, and the need to bring understanding of the sacred, back into daily life. We talked about these things, and also talked about some of the problems in modern paganism, and how this relates to the earth.

This brought up some interesting thoughts of my own to chew on, and some of them will definitely be controversial or outright a slap in the face for some people in the pagan community. This is your trigger warning. Abandon hope all ye who enter here........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... We good? Ok.

To dive into this, we have to consider what "paganism" is to people, including other pagans themselves.

To most people, paganism is some mismash of goddess worship, and earth centered religion. Most pagans do probably fall into that category, to the point that eco-consciousness, and saving the planet are often a core focus of their practice as pagans.

As an Egypto-Pagan, I realize that I really don't fall into this category. That's where things get a little weird. People expect paganism to be earth-centered. My practice is not, at least not in the way that it would be perceived as such. It honestly bothers me a little, that my fellows seem to think that being a pagan is about protecting and saving mother earth. It equally bothers me, that so many of them profess to be feminists, and to worship the goddess, and don't consider, or even see the hypocrisy inherent in this.

I'm going to ask you this: Why does the world need saving?

This isn't some question borne of depression or despair. This is being asked because I look to history, and I see a strong, incredible planet, that is not on the verge of destruction, regardless of people talking about "climate change" and how it will be the end.

Extinctions happen. Mass extinction happens. Climates have shifted in the past, and this is a drop in the bucket. When any large scale change happens on earth, lots of things, people die. Death is sad, but the cycle of life and death is at the core of existence... of life itself. If we are living in tune with the earth, why is this not accepted? If a species rises, it is inevitable it will also fall. The hundreds of thousands of extinct lifeforms that have been discovered (fossils) can be testament to this. Life has thrived and is thriving on earth in more forms than we can begin to imagine, in shapes and places that we would have never have dreamed of.

These cycles shift in terms of millions of years, so maybe you wouldn't remember... but the earth does remember. The earth remembers the Triassic period, when the air was thick with carbon dioxide, giant predatory dragonflies flew the skies, and the first dinosaurs shook the earth with each footstep.

The earth remembers when it was little more than a recently cooled, ball of dirt and plasma. It remembers when it lost a piece of itself that became our moon. It remembers when life first appeared in its deepest oceans, rife with underwater volcanoes that spewed toxic gases into the sea. Life thrived.

So lets go back to our original question: "Why does the world need saving?" and I'll give you some more.

This is the big question: "When did everyone decide that mother earth was some powerless damsel in distress?"

Why is the spiritual movement that claims to know the earth, to live in nature's cycles, and to be a champion of female power, acting like they have to "save" the earth mother? How do you actually think about the natural forces you claim to be in tune with, speak for, and worship?

The answer is that at least for many of you, you aren't actually worried about the earth you say you need to save. You're worried about YOUR PLACE, and YOUR FUTURE in it. You are transient, and if reincarnation is to be believed, you will continue to have a place in this world, regardless of whether humanity continues or not. If you think the change in climate that is coming will cause the demise of much life, you are correct. Change causes death in some form, and vice versa. From these changes can also come life! evolution, growth! This is the way of things!

There is a reason why the Death card in the Tarot is typically read as a harbinger of change, and can be read positively in some readings. Change is not a negative thing, or a positive thing. It is something that is. So to it is with death, even if it makes us sad.

This isn't intended to be some kind of depiction of apathy. We should still respect and hold sacred the lives we have been given, and the earth that bore us. It's just that's a very different thing than trying to paint yourself as a hero saving the planet. It's no different than than treating the earth like a woman that needs saving. If that made you cringe, it should have. Use that discomfort, find the disconnect between your words, and your actions, and fix it.

I know that my thoughts won't be popular. I don't really care at this point. I've always been more interested in Truth, even if it makes us uncomfortable. I'm mostly just thankful that I was able to put my thoughts on this into writing, and share it with those who may have been feeling a mental unease regarding this topic, but had been unable to put it into words.

I may write here more off and on, but don't get used to it. This was just one of those rare moments where I felt like I actually had something worth saying.

Little Somethings

Over the past several months, I've been slowly re-organizing my altars.

It wasn't long ago that Sekhmet and Anubis/Upwawet shared the same altar space. It never felt right.

The gods who were sharing space with one another, are very different from each other. The energy raised, and being worked with one, might be counter to the other.. so I determined that I would be taking a step forward in my relationship with these deities, if I were to give them their own altars.

Anubis and Upwawet share the same space still, but their worship has historically gone hand in hand with each other. I don't see an issue there. It was Sekhmet who I felt I needed a separate space for. So I put my intention out to the Universe, and slowly but surely, things for her new altar popped up for sale.

I sacrificed a corner of the room to her. (quite literally, that space was reserved for storage and the laundry basket before) It isn't some out of the way corner though. There's a short wall opposite to the door that leads into the room. This means that Sekhmet has a prominent location: her space is the first thing I see when I start to enter the room.

Blood red velvet curtains drape down from the wall, and over the altar table. From eye-height, Sekhmet stares back at me through the curtains. Her hand reaches out to me. Fire dances around her, and blossoms from her claws... a reminder of the power that she holds, and the strength that she offers to those who can handle it.

On the altar itself, is a small, carved wooden tile. It was purchased years ago at the Lan Su Chinese Garden in Portland. It was one of several that were being sold there as "relics" from a pre-communist Chinese palace. Some of them still had traces of gilding on expertly carved flowers and other scenery. As they were a symbol of the previous regime, they were supposed to be destroyed. Someone managed to save some of them, and one made its way into my hands.

The tile itself doesn't "look" like much when you first see it. It looks like a small wooden plaque with carved flowers that someone might hang on a wall. I had stored it in various places over the years. After breaking once, being repaired, and put into storage again... I felt it would be a perfect addition to the altar space I was putting together for Sekhmet. I didn't think about the history or significance of the tile at the time, just that it was beautiful and seemed fitting somehow.

It isn't until now that I'm really thinking about the fact that I have a piece of a palace, a piece of history that was supposed to be destroyed, sitting on Sekhmet's altar. It doesn't look like much, but in truth I have adorned her altar with a miraculous treasure.

For a while, that was the extent of things on her altar...minus a vase with the head of a lion on it that I use to hold and burn sage, and a few gemstones.

A week or so ago I had a little bit of extra money, and I considered getting this beautiful alabaster candle holder that reminded me of a sun. I had planned on getting it for her altar for a while. When I checked online, I found it had been discontinued. I wasn't happy about it, but I told myself something else would turn up.

Fast forward a day or two, and I ended up in a thrift store. My housemate called me from a dark looking corner to show me something. In her hand was this strange, thick amber glass. I wasn't sure what it was but it had a hole that was the perfect size for a candle. There were designs in the glass that reminded me of suns, or stars. My heart lept when I thought about the beautiful golden glow that would be cast from a candle placed under it. There was no question, it would be mine.

I went to the front of the store to pay for it, pulling several bills out of my pocket. The guy behind the counter pointed me towards a jug that was full of money. A paper label, held on by roughly placed scotch tape, said "donations" I wandered over to it, and put the first dollar in. I reached for the next one "no need, that's fine" the fellow said to me. It felt strange, but I wasn't going to question not having to pay more than a dollar.

When I got home with it, it was assumed that it was a light cover for some kind of funky vintage lamp or something. It ended up being something much more interesting. It was the top half of a "fairy lamp" which is a type of candle holder. If I had the bottom piece, I would be able to put water in it, and place a candle in it. This was designed as a "safer" method of keeping candles lit, to avoid fires during the Victorian era. While the one I have is from the 70s, the weight of the glass alone, is enough to protect a candle from the cats that have decided that Sekhmet's altar is their new loafing spot.

Someday I'll get the bottom half of that fairy lamp, but for now I'm just happy to embrace the wonder that comes with putting intention out into the world and seeing what responds. It's those little somethings that make the world go around, and that remind us of how incredible and blessed we are in our own stories.

What is Growth?

What is Growth?

I was asked this question recently, and didn't have an answer. When the gods ask you a question, you should listen. In my experience it means they're giving you something to meditate on... and so I did.

What is Growth?

Growth in some ways is an expansion. When the seed of a tree is planted, it tries to grow. It breaks out of its shell, and reaches heavenward. It branches out, and it spreads itself in all directions. It spreads its roots through the soil, and grows strong, and stable. Sometimes it becomes so large, and so strong, that it blots out the very sun, granting shade to other life that lives below it. Some things will die in that shade, and others will flourish. Grass may die from lack of light, but in the soil, mycellium networks will grow and flourish, and spread the tree's influence well beyond its roots.

But we are not trees, so what is growth in a person? At first I thought about how I want to grow as an artist, but that is only on aspect of myself as a person. What is the essence of growth that extends into the nature of individual humanity?

To grow, is to expand oneself outward. I don't mean the physical self (though I wonder if perhaps some people subconsciously take that route to gain a greater feeling of control and dominance by taking up more space. I have known people like that before..) but I mean the "Self" in a deeper sense.

It's difficult for me to put into words. Projecting your awareness is one part of this, but projecting your dominance is another. I don't mean false dominance, which is characterized by pointless aggression either. I mean the control that you exert over your own life, and the control over your life that you allow others to have. When you know you have dominance, you can display this to others, without the posing and posturing.

Dominance behavior in dogs is a good illustration of what I mean by this. It's always the lower ranked that try to
dominate others by mounting them. While perhaps not a perfect analogy, this also represents dominance and "rank" in humans as well.

You might wonder how we wandered into concepts of dominance and control, from the idea of a tree reaching to the sky with its branches... It's definitely relevant, but I'll try to bring this back on track.

To grow is to have influence over your surroundings. Before you can have conscious influence, you have to become aware of of yourself, and the space you find yourself in. This is easier for a tree. A tree stays rooted in one spot. It knows itself, because it stays in one place and is able to observe its surroundings. It knows the caterpillar is munching on its leaves. It knows that its roots just grew enough to hit another pocket of mycellium in the soil. It knows the squirrel is running through its branches. It knows when something blocks the sun from its branches, and endeavors to spread its branches around it. The tree is ever in a state of growth, but its growth is a constant discovery of the world around it.

It is harder for a person to know themselves, because we are always changing our place in our environments. This is likely why most meditation seems to involve the act of sitting, or becoming a tree, or a rock...something that roots into the earth. Stillness is needed for the initial knowing of the self. But once we know ourselves, we know also what is NOT ourselves. We are able to stand indifferent to the pointless criticisms of others, and on the other hand, able to gracefully accept when others are right that we were wrong about something.

This means that to know yourself, is to have power over yourself, and to only allow others to have the power over you that you allow them to have. This I think is a key hidden in plain sight. We have to be ourselves before anything else.

So what is growth?... I'm not certain I know the whole answer yet, but what I do know is that I have to truly know myself before I can find out. Perhaps that was the answer Upwawet actually wanted me to find.

On the nature of Sekhmet, and the nature of the altar.

The other day, I re-arranged my altar space to give Anubis/Upwawet, and Sekhmet their own separate altar spaces. While I have already dedicated the altar for Anubis and Upwawet, Sekhmet's is still a work in progress. I just bought a red theatre curtain for an altar cloth for her. It's washed, dried, and ready to be hung... but I'm lacking a curtain rod to hang it from. It's long enough that once it's hung on the wall, it'll drape beautifully over her altar table. For now, it's folded neatly on her table. I found the curtains by chance, soon after I decided I was going to give Sekhmet her own altar. Now I'm putting it out into the universe to find a curtain rod that will work well with it.

I'm taking my time setting things up for her, because I know that in this case the universe is moving to help me find what is perfect. Sekhmet and I have talked briefly. She's aware of what I'm doing and seems to have no complaints about it. Just the fact that I'm giving her a separate altar is a sacrifice in and of itself. I'm sacrificing personal space, time, effort, and money to do this for her. She has also been promised burnt offerings of saffron when I officially dedicate the space to her. She likes saffron. I don't think I've heard of anyone else giving her offerings of saffron, but I imagine a lot of spirits would appreciate it. Saffron isn't cheap, and since ancient times has been considered of great value, and a sign of wealth. Buying it just to burn it, instead of cook with it, is considered a great sacrifice. It's also red, which is a color Sekhmet favors, as well as carries a pleasant aroma.

As I start trying to get her altar together, I've also started looking around at different statues for her. Looking at what sort of statues people are making and selling of Sekhmet has also led to many moments of anger. One design in particular stood out to me. I was looking for ideas for sconces to hang in her corner of the room. I was hoping to find maybe a statue of a lioness' head with the opening for a candle or something similar. Sekhmet is the "Lady of the Flame" so of course I want to have something for her like a sconce or a candle holder, or something. I found a pair of candle holders, except there was one serious flaw: Sekhmet was kneeling.

Now, I don't know how many of you know Sekhmet, but the idea of Sekhmet kneeling to anyone, or anything, is laughable. Sekhmet is proud, Sekhmet is strong, her very name is derived from the ancient Egyptian word for "power".... Power does not kneel. "The Lion of war", does not kneel. The very fact that this candle holder exists feels like an act of blasphemy. Sekhmet is an active force and manifestation of divine might, and judgment. Kneeling is an act that is submissive and passive. If anyone has a statue of Sekhmet kneeling on their altar, they clearly have no knowledge of this deity or what she represents, and have no business working with her. That kind of thing is likely to either get you ignored by her, or have her give you a harsh education on who and what she actually is. Sekhmet does not submit. The very idea that she does, is counter to her very nature.

The reason this is so upsetting isn't just the fact that someone who didn't know what they were doing (or they did, and did it as an insult) designed this piece of statuary for the mainstream pagan market... It's the fact that I know that there are other pagans out there who would buy it anyway, because they don't understand the purpose of an altar.

An altar is a space dedicated to a certain idea, designed to bring that idea into manifestation. That idea can be anything from a god, a magical working that you're doing, or a shrine to your ancestors. When you're designing an altar, it's important that the aspects of the design are in line with the nature of what you're trying to accomplish.

I know a fellow who was taking a class on Wicca. They decided they were going to make an altar to Mars as a homework assignment. Many of them put all sorts of things on their altars. Many of them were cluttered and disorganized. The fellow had a bit more experience working with that particular entity. His altar was simple and direct, much like the god he was building the altar to. Of everyone there, he was the only one who didn't suddenly have all sorts of conflict pop up in his life. The school was completely disbanded within several months. - Mars tested those who acted like they knew him, and created altars to him with no direction. Sekhmet is similar in that she will also test you if you do something stupid like that.

It's important to not rush setting up an altar. Find the right pieces, not just the pieces that "might" work. There's a reason I'm using blood red theater curtains, instead of matching the dark blue velvet I have on Anubis/Upwawet's altar. When you create an altar to a god, or spirit, you're creating a space that resonates with that god/spirit's nature. That place is the home that you have created for that god or spirit to dwell in, and manifest themselves from.

This is actually something covered a lot more in magical traditions involving evocation, like Goetia. When evoking a spirit, you make the place they are being summoned to, more in line with their nature. This is done by utilizing different colors, numbers, incenses, elements, sounds, their images.. and so forth. Going that extra distance means that the spirit in question will be able to manifest more easily in a place that isn't counter to their nature. Having an active altar is like having an ongoing evocation. The altar isn't for YOU, it's for the gods and spirits that you're working with.

Please note that some traditions and some gods don't mind a cluttered altar. Some prefer it, and the who/why really matters to determine this sort of thing... However if you're creating a space for your deities, don't put it together hastily. Time and effort, dedication, is your sacrifice. Your gods will thank you for it.

Anubis Pendant

Some of you might remember that a while ago I was working on getting things like my Anubis pendants into production...

The design has gone through some modifications, but I'm finally getting moving on this.

Here's the first physical prototype in Stainless steel:



My plan from here, is to polish out all the rough spots, make a silicone mold, and use metal clay to produce casts, and bake them in a kiln I've been given access to.

In the meantime, you can buy your own steel copy at: https://www.shapeways.com/product/J4EME3AJ8/anubis-pendant-single-sided

I suggest waiting another month or two for me to produce the bronze and silver ones. Shapeways is great for prototyping, but I can control the quality of the product you get if I'm casting them myself.

After Anubis, Sekhmet is next.

But yes, this is finally, finally happening.

Making Wands

One of the things that has changed since I updated regularly here, is that I'm apparently a wand maker now.

About a year ago, a friend of mine suggested that I try getting into the wand market for Harry Potter fans... So I did. I have my suspicions that some of them might be for more than costuming, but that's their business, not mine, unless they choose to share.

I'm not sure how familiar everyone is with the Harry Potter universe, but they have something called a "Patronus" which is sort of like a protective animal totem. A lot of the wands I've seen have been simple, and clearly turned on a lathe. Most of the commercial wands would only take a few minutes to make, using those methods.

I wanted to do something different that I thought people would appreciate...So I started offering wands with animal carvings on them, the handles carved into animals, or other unique combinations of features.

Most of my work so far have been commissions. Now I'm trying to move towards making wands and then finding a buyer later. It's tricky, and a little nervewracking, because I don't know when, or if those things are going to sell. Trying to make a "living" as someone who makes magical tools, (or costume tools, depending on who buys) is never easy. But I'm doing my best to move forward, and just keep making things.

For having started about a year ago, I think I've come a long way. I went from just carving wood, to noticing the characteristics of the wood, and how I can use them to make a more visually appealing piece. It's obvious that different types of wood can be drastically different than each other, but until today, I'd never seriously thought about things like utilizing the differences in heartwood and sapwood.

To see what I mean, I've included a video of the current wand I'm working on.



What other projects have I been up to? I'll tell you later. :) I should have some more updates soon.