Being someone who has worked with Anubis since a child, you'd think I must have known death. The truth is quite the opposite. I saw that which was dead. I felt the lingering presence, traces of the soul that was once there, and I also saw that which the soul had completely left, with no traces to be found.
To witness death, to witness the actual transition that takes place from life to death, is something else entirely. To witness death, and to understand what is happening, is to lose innocence. I never lost my innocence when I lost my virginity. I never lost my innocence even when later in my life I saw the dark underbelly of the world, and understood how closely I had come to....my own death.
We are always several steps from death, until it catches up with us. This is a fact of life. We are born, and one day we will also die. No matter how much we may want to not think about it, this will come to pass.
The death I witnessed, was not pretty. It was not slow, but it was not fast either. My attempts to save the life that passed between my fingertips, was started too late. I was ignorant, and so I failed. His heart had already stopped, and by the time he breathed out his last, his soul went out with his breath.
Og was there with me. We both tried to save this small, and fragile life that we held in our hands. Our breath, and our magic came too late. We didn't know that the breaths that the life before us was struggling to take, were because the heart had stopped. We didn't know that the gasps for air after the seizure were agonic breathing- the herald of death.
When you see death happen, you know it has happened. There is no mistaking it for anything else. When the soul has passed, you can tell that it has gone from the body. There is a reason that the soul is also called the "breath of life" in scripture. When you witness the final exhalation, the lungs deflate. The ribs show through, and it looks nothing like sleeping.... as rigamortis sets in, the body begins to re-inflate, giving the appearance of life, but this is false. It is a false hope, that will destroy you if you hold onto it. It is the denial of what you have just witnessed, because you have not been exposed to death. Your innocence has been lost, but you can't even comprehend it.
We are a society that hides death. Our sick and dying are kept in special facilities, rather than cared for in their final moments by their families and loved ones in their homes. We are never educated about it in any formal way. We only experience it typically, as older family members pass away as we ourselves age. We may or may not be invited, or even able to attend the funeral.
I was young when my grandfather died. I knew of death, and wanted to be able to say goodbye at the funeral. I was not allowed.
When my pets died as a child, I never saw the death. I usually came home from school, only to find that my parents had disposed of the body. My own dog was taken away by the gardeners, and disposed of in the trash.
We fear death as a society, so much, that we destroy the evidence of it, regardless of whether it is human, or "animal"
But I will tell you now, that life, is life. A human life measures the same as that as a lizard, if it is that which you love. In the end, all of us will some day breathe our final breath, and take our souls with it. But if you truly love something, someone, cherish it even as it dies. Cherish every moment you had with them, and respect them even in their death. That body was the precious vessel that carried the soul you loved so much. Never forget that time you shared, and send them off with love in your heart. Don't hate them for leaving you, and don't hate yourself out of fear that you failed them.
Grieve, send them off, and live on, taking your knowledge with you, so that maybe, you and that which you love, can find the happiness, and the peace that you have searched for.
Innocence is the veil that obscures Truth.
The worst thing we can do is force others to stay innocent, when knowing
death, and how to honor those in death, can teach us the true value of
life.
