I've known that I needed to get back in touch with Sekhmet for some time now, but for one reason or another kept putting things off. I wanted to have the blade completed before I called on her again, but it wasn't in the cards. Something from my recent past came back to haunt me however... and I knew in that moment that I could wait no longer.
Nothing had been done with my assault case. I know that because the person who did it had the gall to contact me, from the phone number I provided to the police, to ask if I wanted to "work" with him again... and yet they claim they don't have enough information to find the guy, and that they're busy working on "more important things" and basically aren't allocating even enough time to find out who the phone number belongs to.
Now, I've had self esteem issues for years. I've questioned what "right" I have to raise my power against others off and on. But by the gods, I was angry! And damn did it feel good. No flashbacks, no "I should have done this, I could have done that" no feelings of fear or vulnerability... just raw, primal fury. The reason I made the police report in the first place wasn't for "my" sake, but for the sake of others who might get reeled in by him- I KNOW he's hurt other people before, and I sure as hell doubt I'll be his last... but apparently my word means nothing to the police. Maybe it's because I'm female. Maybe it's the nature of my work. The bottom line here though is that the "why" doesn't matter. What matters is that nothing is being done.
What does this have to do with Sekhmet? Everything. Sekhmet is the vengeful Will of the gods. She's the fires of anger and passion that judges without mercy. She is strength, her very name is derived from the word Sekhem, the ancient Egyptian word for power, and might. She takes action for what is, not what might be. I spend too much time worrying about whether any action I take in any situation is Just. I look so closely at situations that I lose the big picture entirely, to the point where the essence of the situation becomes skewed and meaningless. - I need her type of thinking in my life- action not reaction. But it had been months since I had summoned her, and the last time I had, I had tried to use her power for something...that looking back on it... was frankly really petty and I paid the price for it.
I had no completed blade to come to her with, and wasn't sure how I should approach the situation. So I decided to kill two birds with one stone- I had been meaning to get back into painting, so I pulled out a pile of blank paper and a pencil, and I sketched out a couple of ideas. Once I had something I liked, I decided to get started on the actual painting. I spent a few hours here and there, losing myself in my work. I was determined to paint the best picture I have ever done, and to dedicate it to Sekhmet as a show of my devotion to her Mysteries. Sometimes it felt like I had a pair of feline golden eyes watching me, staring into my soul as I worked. I gave myself a deadline, and stuck to it.
Once it was completed, I waited until the noonday sun was at its peak, and then I called her. I burnt incense for her, I lit a special candle for her, and I offered the painting to her, placing it on the wall above my altar. My altar room was dark except for the light from the bright red candle, and the eyes on the painting seemed to glow from the candlelight. I sat in front of the altar in the dark with her, and we talked for a bit; though mostly she was silent. I confirmed that we were on decent terms, she gave me a few choice words about things I need to do in my life, and that was pretty much that.
The painting itself easily is one of the best I've ever done, if not the best- so I definitely met that goal. The blade? Well I still plan on making it, but I've decided to wait until I have better materials and resources to create the handle. Finances are a little tight as always, but lately they're tight for the right reasons- things like saving money for plane tickets so I can travel and work and build new relationships with clients, and so that I can get health insurance when I get back from my trip to Pennsylvania :)
With that said, casting a handle in copper or bronze and plating it with gold, is a little out of my current price range. I just feel like cold casting would have been a lot of trouble and money for something that wouldn't turn out as nice as something done "right" involving pouring molten copper and gold- something born from heat and fire. It just feels like for Sekhmet, there NEEDS to be fire involved. Anything less just feels wrong, or half hearted at best.
But for now, contact has been re-established, and I'll be working with her more closely. I will also be making contact with Hathor, so that I may know them both, and learn to balance my passion in anger, with my passion in the arts, and all other things. It's something that's been missing from my life. It comes in spurts, but sporadically. I'm aiming to fix that, and to bring myself more into balance :)
Oh, and here's a photo of that painting I did-
That's all for now. I may be silent until after the new year. Got lots of exciting stuff coming up :)
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