The dangers of Imbalance

I think I'm starting to understand why so many people follow organized belief systems: It's HARD to forge your own spiritual path, and it also has the potential to be dangerous. Self discovery is hard enough, but self discovery and spiritual growth through a system that hasn't been explored and written extensively about by others..it's something else entirely.

My work with Sekhmet has taken me far, but after yesterday, I've decided that it's important that I re-integrate Anubis into my active spiritual practice if I'm going to continue to work actively with Sekhmet. Why? Because now I've integrated her into my life to the point that I've hit a tipping point. Too much of a good thing can be bad. When I first went into this path, if I had faced confrontation, my first instinct would have been to run, to avoid confrontation at all costs.

Yesterday, I was severely wronged by an individual, and this person completely messed up my life plans that I had been working on for months. I found this out through a mutual acquaintance, and I felt myself snap. I nearly had to be physically restrained by Erelin to prevent me from ripping down the door and "dealing" with the problem. The part of me that I have been cultivating through Sekhmet was at the forefront, and I wanted revenge. I wanted justice, I wanted blood. I didn't want to run away from confrontation, I wanted to run right into it, and dominate the person who had wronged me. I wanted to crush them. I felt as if my body was as hers, leonine, with great fangs, and I felt power and strength fill me along with the rage.

Let no one forget that Sekhmet is the Lion of War, and a Goddess of rage and bloodlust. I don't run from conflict anymore, I'm not afraid of it. But I should not relish it. I should not desire to crush others. This was too much. I was overcome by rage, and I had to be talked down from doing anything stupid. Sekhmet is definitely power, but she is also blind rage, and this energy has to be tempered or it will consume you. She is firey and Solar, and Anubis is watery and Lunar. To be where I need to be, I need to balance the two, and grow from that union, and from there? I don't know yet.

I understand that what I am doing, that forging my own path is dangerous, but this is what I have always done, and this is what I will continue to do, until I find something else that clicks and helps me to grow more into a stronger and better person.

As for that individual? Some magick is definitely in order.