The Difference Between Faith and Knowledge

Yesterday I was waiting at the trolly stop, just a few blocks from home. I'd just left the bookstore after meeting a potential client over a cup of hot chocolate, and the purchase of a book on how to read and write Hieroglyphics. At the trolly stop with me, was a gaggle of girls play-fighting amongst themselves, and one jokingly pulled out what she said was actually mace. I observed them for a couple of minutes, and when everything calmed down, I asked them if it was actually common to carry mace. I never bought or carried mace even when I lived in Seattle. I just didn't feel that threatened. (The worst I had happen was some guy trying to pick me up because he thought I was a prostitute, since the part of town I was exploring apparently never expanded beyond preconceived racial boundaries. So in the minds of the people there I didn't belong there otherwise.) Apparently they thought it was very common for women to carry mace, and thought I was either hardcore or stupid for not carrying it. They'd had experiences where they had actually been jumped in some of the "bad" parts of town.

This really comes as a surprise to me. I've heard this sort of thing from other people, about having issues with gang members jumping them, with girls beating them up because they thought they were "looking at their man" for a multitude of reasons. I've been in the "bad" parts of Portland. I've walked through what were apparently "gang infested" parts of the 'burbs, and never had the slightest hint of an issue. Up until recently, I always thought it was a case of not dressing like you're looking for trouble. I keep winding up in places right after something bad has gone down though. Whether it's showing up at a train stop after something terrible happened, or coming out of a mall and walking into a park where half of Portland's best, are running around with guns as big as they are, after a nearly fatal shooting. I've walked down streets in my own neighborhood, and I always seem to show up at scenes right after someone has been cuffed, and is being prepped to be taken away. Somehow I seem to just barely avoid walking into dangerous situations. 

These girls I met were also not dressed like they were looking for trouble, and were dressed pretty casual. They were friendly, and happy to engage me in conversation, even though I kind of butted in. They appeared confident, their body language didn't say otherwise.

This really strikes me as interesting, and I have to wonder if I've just really been that lucky, or if something else is at work here. I've only recently started implementing the body language cues that Sekhmet has helped me with, so it's definitely not that I "looked confident" all the time, and avoided the label of prey by others. When I was kid I was a constant target of verbal bullying, and even some physical bullying.  - nearly all of that was before I became Pagan, and really focused on becoming a Mage, and established a working relationship with Anubis. The last time I can remember being in physical danger, was when I snapped in High School, and showed someone who had picked on me and tried to harm me for years, that I was a force to be reckoned with, and that I wasn't afraid. It was the first time I had actually stood up for myself instead of just trying to avoid conflict. My methods weren't the best, but they definitely shook things up. I showed the universe that I was willing to walk my talk, and that I understood the severity of the consequences that can come with that.

So, where does this tie in with my luck in not getting jumped by gangs? :) One, I still think that appearance has something to do with it. I still don't wear bright red or blue, and prefer more subdued colors. I also don't look the least bit threatening. (that last bit could also be used against me in some cases!) Two, I'm NOT looking for trouble, and I'm usually ignorant of any "territory" or anything that I could be trespassing  in. Three, I know I'm actually protected. I don't go out of my way to do things that could put me in harm's way, and I always use common sense... But Anubis is always there. It could be that others who would try to harm me sense this, without any conscious knowledge of it. His energy is cold, and constricting, and quite possibly intimidating to those who aren't familiar.  Now with Sekhmet, I carry something else with me that I can use, which I've also discovered works hand in hand with my charisma.  I am protected by my gods, and whatever powers that be. I think in part, this is the difference between faith and knowledge. You can have faith in something all you want but actually knowing can take things to another level. This is the difference between being an armchair magician and and actual practitioner. I faltered for a while, but I'm glad to know that I'm the latter. :)

An update on the previous post

After bouncing some ideas off of people, I think I finally came to a mundane explanation for why my altar nearly caught fire. A few days prior, I had used a special oil to clean everything, and some may have still been left on the ceiling of my altar, which would have had the potential to heat more quickly than the wood, and start melting/burning the laminate underneath- which then superheated the wood. Talk about a a chain of cause and effect! So while the event seemed very unusual, it was probably wrong of me to jump to conclusions and try to give it a magical explanation. Either way, I'm going to figure out a different situation for altarspace in the apartment, just for safety's sake.

Hot Jupiter

 ( Excuse the bad astronomy joke)
 I started doing a rite for a friend, to help him gain better financial stability in his life. I figured I would do some simple candle magic, carved his name into the candle, along with the seal of Jupiter. I asked for the assistance of Jophiel, thanked them for the bounty of opportunities I've had lately in becoming more secure in my health and my finances, and put my intent and energy into the candle. I noticed the flame was devouring the candle much more quickly than usual, but didn't pay too much attention to it. After a bit, I realized my eyes were burning a little, and I smelled something burning, more than just the candle. A little bit of examination showed that the ceiling of my altar was burning, and the shelf above it was very hot to the touch. Not wanting the smoke alarm to go off, or my altar to catch on fire...I snuffed the candle, made sure nothing was still burning, moved the altar-tile that I use to burn candles on, and re-lit the candle elsewhere, without any further problems.

I found myself wondering what on earth was it that made the candle burn so much hotter than usual. I use the same standard size, and nothing had really changed about my altar space. My mind went back to a post I read on Head for the Red and how Jupiter is firey. The thing that strikes me as odd about this, is that with all the work I've done with Sekhmet, her candles never had that effect. I lit them in exactly the same place, they were exactly the same size, and she devoured her offerings with vigor.  She's a very firey entity, so what happened? The only thing I can think of, is that in the case of my other work, the candles have been purely offerings, and were not used to send out intent-filled energy to help another person. Perhaps with the combination of working with Jupiter, and trying to "send" that energy, the heat intensified to the point it could burn my altar? I'm honestly not sure. For safety's sake though, I'm not using that same space for altar space anymore.

Battery Russell

Not a whole lot new here. I've mostly been busy with my modeling work, doing some sculpting here and there, and generally being kept pretty busy with everything. Today though, I went out to the coast with a photographer, and we went somewhere interesting: Battery Russell.

Battery Russell is an old WWII gun site on the northern coast of Oregon. It's famous for having been attacked by a Japanese Submarine during WWII, and having 17 shells dropped on them during the war. I didn't know much about it when I was wandering the dark hallways there, and climbing into small dark spaces to get unique angles for the photographer to shoot. I kept hearing something strange off and on though while I was there. I kept hearing a rattling chain, not unlike a chain on a dog leash or something. I'd thought it might have been something on the camera stand, or maybe something on the backpack, but never did see anything with a chain. I thought it was a little odd, but just kept working. I'd figured the place was probably haunted, though I didn't feel anything other than your typical "this feels sort of strange" that you get in old abandoned places, though I wasn't actively looking for anything either. I was busy working after all. I didn't give it much thought until I came home and did some research on the place for fun.

 Apparently the place is known for being haunted, and not only that, but haunted by a guy who has a rattling chain.  Could just be a coincidence, but the photographer and I plan on taking another trip out there for more photos for a sun-rise shoot in the future. I'll definitely be paying more attention then. It could be interesting :)

The Magick of Confidence

If there is one thing that the Sekhmet work has been doing for me in a big way, it's helping me with my confidence, and helping me discover, and utilize my own inner strength. Sekhmet came to me as the Lion of War, and while she certainly has the capacity to tear apart what opposes her with her fangs and claws, her true power lies in Confidence. A lioness doesn't doubt that she can take down her prey. She makes her plan, and she strikes. If the hunt is a failure, then she sets out to find another target. There is no room for doubt; there is only room for Strength. Sekhmet has been teaching me how to listen to myself, but how to ignore fears that nag at me, with no rational explanation. She's taught me how to ignore the whispers of my shadow, and how to gain a healthier sense of how to cultivate my Ego.

Since I've started working with her, and using the tools she has revealed to me, I've grown in more ways that I think I realized. Accusations by strangers that would have seriously hurt me at one time, now mean little to me, unless what they have said has any actual substance. I've been learning to push my boundaries, and trust my instincts. I've been using the tarot to do readings to make sure that I don't push myself into situations that would be potentially harmful.

I'm sending out my confidence to the universe, along with my humility at the gifts that I have been given. I radiate something now that I don't think I had before. People have started noticing, and it's helped my modeling work in a big way. My finances are now under control, and I'm making business connections left and right. I now even have some opportunities as an actress that I'm going to be exploring in just a couple of days! To top all of that off, I've also been given the opportunity to be initiated as a Neophyte in an Order up in Seattle! I'm to be initiated in just a couple of months :D

Things are definitely finally coming together, and I think being fired from my old job was a blessing in disguise. I'm now self-sufficient in ways I've never been before, learning things and experiencing things I never have, and I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.  Things are looking up, but I wouldn't have had all of the opportunities I've had, (and have coming up!) without the confidence to take the steps I've made to make everything a reality.  I've got the help of my friends, both magical and non, to thank for that as well :) So here's to the future, great friends, and a wonderful Summer!