The Difference Between Faith and Knowledge

Yesterday I was waiting at the trolly stop, just a few blocks from home. I'd just left the bookstore after meeting a potential client over a cup of hot chocolate, and the purchase of a book on how to read and write Hieroglyphics. At the trolly stop with me, was a gaggle of girls play-fighting amongst themselves, and one jokingly pulled out what she said was actually mace. I observed them for a couple of minutes, and when everything calmed down, I asked them if it was actually common to carry mace. I never bought or carried mace even when I lived in Seattle. I just didn't feel that threatened. (The worst I had happen was some guy trying to pick me up because he thought I was a prostitute, since the part of town I was exploring apparently never expanded beyond preconceived racial boundaries. So in the minds of the people there I didn't belong there otherwise.) Apparently they thought it was very common for women to carry mace, and thought I was either hardcore or stupid for not carrying it. They'd had experiences where they had actually been jumped in some of the "bad" parts of town.

This really comes as a surprise to me. I've heard this sort of thing from other people, about having issues with gang members jumping them, with girls beating them up because they thought they were "looking at their man" for a multitude of reasons. I've been in the "bad" parts of Portland. I've walked through what were apparently "gang infested" parts of the 'burbs, and never had the slightest hint of an issue. Up until recently, I always thought it was a case of not dressing like you're looking for trouble. I keep winding up in places right after something bad has gone down though. Whether it's showing up at a train stop after something terrible happened, or coming out of a mall and walking into a park where half of Portland's best, are running around with guns as big as they are, after a nearly fatal shooting. I've walked down streets in my own neighborhood, and I always seem to show up at scenes right after someone has been cuffed, and is being prepped to be taken away. Somehow I seem to just barely avoid walking into dangerous situations. 

These girls I met were also not dressed like they were looking for trouble, and were dressed pretty casual. They were friendly, and happy to engage me in conversation, even though I kind of butted in. They appeared confident, their body language didn't say otherwise.

This really strikes me as interesting, and I have to wonder if I've just really been that lucky, or if something else is at work here. I've only recently started implementing the body language cues that Sekhmet has helped me with, so it's definitely not that I "looked confident" all the time, and avoided the label of prey by others. When I was kid I was a constant target of verbal bullying, and even some physical bullying.  - nearly all of that was before I became Pagan, and really focused on becoming a Mage, and established a working relationship with Anubis. The last time I can remember being in physical danger, was when I snapped in High School, and showed someone who had picked on me and tried to harm me for years, that I was a force to be reckoned with, and that I wasn't afraid. It was the first time I had actually stood up for myself instead of just trying to avoid conflict. My methods weren't the best, but they definitely shook things up. I showed the universe that I was willing to walk my talk, and that I understood the severity of the consequences that can come with that.

So, where does this tie in with my luck in not getting jumped by gangs? :) One, I still think that appearance has something to do with it. I still don't wear bright red or blue, and prefer more subdued colors. I also don't look the least bit threatening. (that last bit could also be used against me in some cases!) Two, I'm NOT looking for trouble, and I'm usually ignorant of any "territory" or anything that I could be trespassing  in. Three, I know I'm actually protected. I don't go out of my way to do things that could put me in harm's way, and I always use common sense... But Anubis is always there. It could be that others who would try to harm me sense this, without any conscious knowledge of it. His energy is cold, and constricting, and quite possibly intimidating to those who aren't familiar.  Now with Sekhmet, I carry something else with me that I can use, which I've also discovered works hand in hand with my charisma.  I am protected by my gods, and whatever powers that be. I think in part, this is the difference between faith and knowledge. You can have faith in something all you want but actually knowing can take things to another level. This is the difference between being an armchair magician and and actual practitioner. I faltered for a while, but I'm glad to know that I'm the latter. :)