Changing Themes

For years, one of the most powerful and terrifying imagery in my dreams was tornadoes. I've never been in a tornado, or been even close to one. I've also never lived in a part of the country where tornadoes typically happen. Despite this, for some reason they have stuck with me as a powerful symbol of the chaos and upheaval in my life, and my inability to cope with it in a healthy way. Yet earthquakes, which I have been in, have never really played a part in my dreams or nightmares at all. I suppose for this reason, I might also attribute tornadoes for me, as a fear of the unknown.

I have a very active dream-life, and lately tornadoes have been showing up a lot. This is no surprise considering my current lack of a job that will adequately support me, and the looming possibility of having to break my apartment lease, and move into unknown and mostly uncharted territory. Even though I have a lot of fear in my life right now, even though things are completely unpredictable at this point, the way my dream-self has begun dealing with tornadoes is huge.

The other night, I had a dream where a powerful magic-user was after me for whatever reason. He was powerful, unrelenting, and had allies. I was alone in being able to fight him and the others. But it was four to one, and I had to resort to drastic measures. I summoned a tornado to shake the building I was in to its foundations, and drive my pursuers from my doorstep. As I stood there and the wind howled and screamed, I knew I was somehow safe, that the tornado wouldn't hurt me. I had mastered it. It was mine.

Another dream later in the week also had tornadoes. I was trying to guide myself and others through a perilous landscape and tornadoes kept rising. I raised my hand and stilled them. They were tamed, just like that. There was never even a question, never even a possibility that my power couldn't overcome them.

Unless you knew me when I was younger, when a tornado for me always meant a terrifying wake up-with-your-heart-pounding-sweat-pouring nightmare, this may not seem like a very big deal. But I can't begin to fathom what this means in its entirety. What I do know, is that this means that even if only on a subconscious level,  I'm growing into someone who doesn't let fear control her.

I have to wonder if this is related to another thing regarding fear that I've been dealing with. Off and on for the past couple of months, I've been waking up from dreams in the middle of the night (that weren't scary at all) I then discover that when I try to go back to sleep, I have this uneasy feeling that something is there, that I'm somehow in danger. The interesting bit, is that it's like I'm somehow still asleep when this happens. There's this haze.... that seems to separate the rational part of my mind from this other part of my mind which is telling me that anything is possible, that I'm in danger.

This mainly focuses on mundane dangers: "someone could be about to break in!" is a common one. Sometimes it's bad enough that my mind jumps to supernatural possibilities "something could walk through that walk and attack you!" weirder things have happened, but I was always able to deal. I'm still here. I try to rationalize with this part of myself that's stuck on the other side of the haze, but it doesn't work. I can't seem to ground myself when this happens. My rational mind always wins out- I don't know the reason for one part of my mind going "danger danger danger!" but I'm able to go "whatever" and get on with my life. I always wake up and stay up for a bit before I get back to sleep, but I'm always able to after an hour or two. It takes nearly that long to get that other part of myself back to reality.

On a hunch, I started keeping a journal when this happened. I calculate the astrological day and hour, and so far it's always been on the Night of Venus. So far, it's happened during the hour of Moon, and the hour of Mars. I think this may have something to do with what's happening, but why it is, is another thing entirely. Either way, this is a way I've been able to observe and take action regarding these "fear episodes" when they happen. This is also a big reason why I've begun establishing a bond to Sekhmet. As she is a very powerful and solar deity. The sun is the light of Tiphareth, and so banishes the darkness of irrational fear, and low-vibration entities that could be spawned from this.

It could be that in these ways, I'm taking control of myself, and my fear of the unknown in a way that seriously impacts how I see myself able to cope with it. If this is true, it would explain why I've been having dreams of controlling the tornadoes that arise, and seeing them as a something to be respected, but not as a source of fear.