Goodbye 2010

2011 is just around the corner, and in the last couple of weeks, some significant things have happened. Most of the year, was full of drama, financial problems, heart wrenching moments. These recent things however are good. I have a job again. It's a job that was willing to take me back after I hadn't worked there for a year and a half, and a job that went from being just holiday work, to actual lasting employment. I'm discovering how wonderful it is to have a job that actually cares about me again, and treats me like a human being. It'll pay rent, and take care of my basic needs, and won't overwhelm me with stress. Great, that's all I really need. I live pretty simply. I've got my studio apartment downtown that I share with the one I love, and my lizard.

I worked for a few months to try to find work, but when Mercury retrograde hit, things went pretty still. No matter how many rites I worked, or talismans I charged, work was slow in coming. I was still able to find gigs here and there that made ends meet (I tend to be very resourceful with finding one time jobs) and that's what saved us.

I won't really miss 2010. It was a year of struggles; fighting to keep my head, and my boyfriend's head above water. Things went awry left and right, and trust I had in certain people close to me was shattered beyond repair.

I've got plans for 2011. I've got things I'm going to fight for. I'm determined to make it a better year.

Offerings

You may remember when I started trying to work with Sekhmet. It was pointed out to me that one of the reasons why she may not have responded right away, was the quality of my offering. It wasn't something I had really considered before. With Anubis, he's practically right there when I call. But Erelin pointed out to me that an offering is meant to be something you put effort into getting for the spirit. I don't drink, so dipping into a rum bottle that had been sitting around forever, and pouring some for Sekhmet, isn't actually that great of an offering, considering I just walked into the kitchen to get it. It wasn't special, it was just something I had around.

With that in mind, I went the extra mile with getting the supplies for the offering to the Spirits of Venus. (and I'll do better for Sekhemet and go to some trouble to get something good for her next time I call) After a long day at work, instead of going home, I went to the nearest store for the herbs I needed for the incense offering, and selected the best looking red candle in the store. With that done, I hopped on the train home.

After getting home, I ate dinner, and made sure I was refreshed, I set up my altar, called the spirits, expressed my sincere apology to them, and made the offering. I lit the candle first. Then I lit the incense. The charcoal didn't want to light at first, but soon the wonderful smells of saffron, rose hips, and myrrh were coming from the censer. I don't think I'll ever use stick incense again. There is no comparison.

The entire candle was gone within an hour or two. By gone, I mean gone. The wax evaporated, leaving only a dime-sized bit of wax with a bit of burnt wick in it. I've never seen such a clean burn, and can only believe that the spirits accepted my offering. I felt the presence again, but this time it was much more subtle. 

So what have I learned from all of this? It's that offerings are indeed meant to have some effort put into them. Something you had "laying around" isn't the same as going out and getting something special. When you call a spirit, you are knocking on their door. When they open their door, do you really want to be the one standing there with something you had sitting around and didn't, need? Do you really think they're going to want to take whatever it was that you had sitting around? If they do, it'll be halfheartedly.  If you go out and get someone a gift, the response is much different!

An offering is a gift. It shows you care enough to go out and get something nice. This is especially important when you do the equivalent of knocking on a stranger's door, and tell them to keep their damn kids off your lawn, except they don't have any kids... well it sounded good in my head anyway.

Next time I knock on Sekhmet's door, or any other entity I'm trying to build a relationship with, I'll be sure to be there with something new, and worth putting a bow on.

Sometimes dreams are just dreams

When people start studying magic, one thing I see a lot is that people seem to get this idea in their head that every dream they have MUST be interpreted, because it obviously has some significant magical message, or is otherwise important.

My dreams are crazy. They're bright, loud, vibrant, and have a level of super-realism that challenges me to figure out I'm dreaming even when I'm semi-lucid. Yes, some of them are communications with Anubis, or premonitions of people I will meet, or situations I will be put into shortly.

If I took the bulk of my dreams even remotely literally, or to be more than just crazy brain-narratives from an eccentric mind, I'd have some serious issues though.

I am not capable of flight, I do not have wings. I am not a shapeshifter, or a non-human entity. (shamanic shape shifting doesn't count) I have not disemboweled demon dogs with my hands, nor will I ever meet the gargoyles from the Gargoyles tv show. I am not a chosen "anything" and any narrative where I am the center of some great destiny is just because I am the center of my personal universe. I have never been to Narnia, nor will I ever. The same goes for the Harry Potter universe, or the dream I had last night where Russia invaded California. It was incredibly vivid. Russia had suddenly devoured a portion of northern California, and that suddenly made Oregon into California. It made no sense. It was a nonsense narrative. They happen. Get over it.

No matter what your dreams tell you, you are not a special snowflake meant to save the world, or whatever. You are not the "chosen one" of some great destiny, and believing that you just need to wait for the "next step" to be revealed in your dreams to achieve greatness, is folly. Get up, live your life. Don't wait for your dreams to tell you what to do. If you have some options in front of you, but you aren't sure which one would be best, do a reading. Dust off those runes or tarot cards and get to work! Life, magic, it's all work. The trick of the magician to is to turn it into the Great Work. To do that, you can't sit and wait, you have to act. You have to do more than just dream. You have to do.

An apology in the making, and other news

After discussing the previous working and experiences with a friend, it became clear that I had wronged the "Spirits of Venus" and owed them an apology, as the source of my issues stemmed from somewhere else entirely.  As I found myself suddenly being overwhelmed by mundane things like working 10 hour days, I had been unable to collect the appropriate materials for an offering of incense. I did however purchase a large red candle to burn as a sort of two-pronged offering, and will be getting what I need for the incense in the next few days.

I found myself with the time and energy this evening to approach the "spirits" again, this time with a sincere heart-felt apology, and the candle offering. When I called and tried to light the candle, interestingly enough it didn't light at first. The flame flickered on the wick, and died, which I had never experienced before. This could also just be a product of whatever material the wick was made out of, and have absolutely nothing to do with a magical occurrence, but is interesting to note regardless.

Once the candle was lit, the flame danced merrily, and I had no further issues. Considering the size of the candle, and the late hour, I placed the candle inside of a metal can that I had used for storing some of my art supplies, and placed that in the bathtub, to be sure that I wouldn't light anything else on fire.

My communication with the spirits was again limited to feelings, and sensations, but this time the experiences were positive. The energy felt warm and welcoming, not like a hot fire, but more like the  feeling of relaxing in front of a warm fire in the middle of winter, being embraced by a good friend, or holding an armful of warm laundry fresh from the dryer. It was relaxing, it was friendly, and I understand now more than ever how wrong I was to accuse the spirits of this sphere for my problems.

I will be making an offering of incense as soon as I am able, and I hope that in the future I will have a good working relationship with the spirit or spirits that I wrongly accused previously.

In other news, the neighbor had been trying to get in touch with me again to borrow my book on runes. I also had some time to do that, after I got home from a nice Christmas dinner with friends. That led to us both pouring over the book a bit in his apartment, and trying to come up with a couple of bind runes to incorporate into talismans, since he liked the idea, but was lacking ideas on how to combine certain runes aesthetically. I came up with a couple of ideas which he seemed to like, and he's going to be studying my book to learn more, and create other designs for future use.

It looks like I may have met another magician in the building, or at least someone interested in the Magical Arts. Depending on how far he decides to take things, I might have someone living downstairs to talk shop with, as well as share art supplies with. At the very least, I've got a new friend :) and that's really what matters.

Lunar Eclipse

I sadly was unable to see the eclipse in my area, due to cloud cover. I did however do some deep contemplation and devoted some of my time to helping a newcomer to my apartment complex, and cleaned out some of my own apartment clutter as well!

It was a good feeling to be able to help him and myself. While I am unsure of his magicical involvement, he asked to borrow a book of mine so he could make a runic talisman for a friend as a Christmas gift. It was nice being able to help out and hopefully we'll become good friends.

Update

As of yet, I am still unsure as to whether or not the sudden appearance of my period is connected to the evocation. There are a couple reasons for this- one being that I am unsure whether the sudden start of my period is something that the spirits of Venus even have any control over. I've done some research, but that's the problem with the internet- I keep getting mixed information. Some places seem to say that the Moon rules over poor period health, while Venus is the opposite, and fixes menstrual cycles. Some places the Moon isn't even mentioned, and in some places they even say that Mars has a part in the feminine cycle because of the blood! (which I highly doubt)

Anyway, I'm also willing to say that this is some strange coincidence. As I'm not sure what particular spirits actually showed up, since I didn't use a seer, and since I currently lack the type of sight to have done more than "feel" the entity's presence. I'll probably do a reading on some of this once I'm feeling back up to par but for now, it's a mystery.

Possible Side Effect #1

I had no troublesome nightmares, or anything of the like. My sleep was even peaceful I'm thankful to say. However one unexpected side effect has occurred: I have gotten my period out of nowhere. It was well on its way by the time I woke up this morning, however I'm not in any of my usual cramp-tastic pain, and my skin is as clear as it has ever been. (my periods have always been preceded by at least a week's worth of acne, excessive tiredness at least three days before, and then proceeded by nasty cramps.)

So we'll see what happens next, if anything regarding last night's evocation.

Sometimes I'm stupid

Apologies for how long it's been since I last posted. I was without my laptop for about a week, due to it being in for repairs, and then I got hit by some kind of deadly plague.

I'm posting this now from my fixed up laptop, while I'm nice and snug under my blankets. I've got medicine, hot cocoa, and when Erelin gets back from the store I should have apples as well.

I did a number of things that are worth mentioning today. I cut my hair, so that it would be easier to keep clean, since I know that illness can live in your hair for a while, even with washing it. So I've gone from having really long hair, to having it be slightly longer than shoulder length. I'll probably go in and make it even shorter when I shape it. Being an artist, I also apparently have some skill with hair and a pair of scissors. Moving on to the more magical side of things though.....

I decided that it would be a good idea to do a purification bath. I gathered herbs for a tea bath,  and filled up the tub. I prayed over the herbs and the water, calling their spirits to cleanse me, and take the illness from my body. I lit some candles, and then once the tub was full, I did the LBRP.  Once everything was ready, I got into the tub.

I realized, once it was just me, the candles, and the dark bathroom, that despite the calm atmosphere, despite the LBRP and everything... I was having one of my fear episodes. I mentioned them briefly in one of my last posts. They used to be much worse, but thankfully a friend helped me out with that. They were gone for a while, but more recently my issues in that area have started coming back.

I realized that I was already doing some magic as it was, so why not just do something about it right then and there? So I did. I stood up in the tub, stared into the darkest  corners of the room, and called upon my inner demon, Fear, to come forth, and to heed my voice and my Will. I told it that by its name I had bound it, and by my Will I had tamed it. I went on a long spiel about how it would not control me, and how I would not fear the darkness or the unknown. I also explained to it, that I understood its function, that fear is a necessary part of existence, but I demanded that it not show itself without reason. No more interrupting my attempts to sleep, or filling me with terror of "something" that could be lurking in the shadows.

Then I did something else, and I freely admit that I think I may have stepped over the line  on this one. It was definitely done on a whim.
I was feeling pretty damn good about putting a reign on my inner demon, and decided to take things to another level. I had noticed that the times I had my serious episodes, corresponded with the day of Venus every time. So I did a very informal and sloppy evocation, my only ever serious evocation of an entity(s?) that I didn't have a working relationship with. I called upon the "Spirits of Venus" (sloppy, and I clearly wasn't thinking, but it was on impulse) to come forward and hear me. I respectfully, but forcefully said that I wasn't going to stand for being influenced in the ways that I had been.

This is where I really think I stepped over the line. I wasn't asking, I told, and now that I have a clear head, I'm not entirely sure WHICH spirits came forward.( Stupid, but whatever, it's over with, and we'll see what happens) I felt something, and I didn't really like it. There was a heaviness to the room, and I suddenly realized how quiet everything was. It was the sort of feeling you get when you just did something very stupid in front of a crowd of people, and they're all just staring at you. I acknowledged it, and apologized for any offense, however I was clear that I was making my Will known. Still the same feeling, and it was getting heavier. I gave the license to depart, and a sound to my right happened, and it appeared that something had rattled the shampoo bottles on the shelf. I again gave the license to depart, more forcefully, and being clear that whatever spirits were there were to leave peacefully and harm no creature on the way back to their realm.  I suddenly felt very drained, as if I was about to have trouble standing. I ignored it, and immediately began banishing. I felt suddenly invigorated, and the heaviness left at some point during the banishment.

By the time I was finished, I was exhausted. I have since regained some energy and grounded myself. I seem to be ok, and the bathroom is clear of any presence. Despite how stupid I realize the second half of my working was, I still did what I set out to do, and I didn't let any "fear" stop me. For this at least I am thankful, and I look forward to seeing if there are any noticeable results, good or bad for that matter. (though hopefully good)

Now I'm going to have some more hot chocolate and eat an apple.

Changing Themes

For years, one of the most powerful and terrifying imagery in my dreams was tornadoes. I've never been in a tornado, or been even close to one. I've also never lived in a part of the country where tornadoes typically happen. Despite this, for some reason they have stuck with me as a powerful symbol of the chaos and upheaval in my life, and my inability to cope with it in a healthy way. Yet earthquakes, which I have been in, have never really played a part in my dreams or nightmares at all. I suppose for this reason, I might also attribute tornadoes for me, as a fear of the unknown.

I have a very active dream-life, and lately tornadoes have been showing up a lot. This is no surprise considering my current lack of a job that will adequately support me, and the looming possibility of having to break my apartment lease, and move into unknown and mostly uncharted territory. Even though I have a lot of fear in my life right now, even though things are completely unpredictable at this point, the way my dream-self has begun dealing with tornadoes is huge.

The other night, I had a dream where a powerful magic-user was after me for whatever reason. He was powerful, unrelenting, and had allies. I was alone in being able to fight him and the others. But it was four to one, and I had to resort to drastic measures. I summoned a tornado to shake the building I was in to its foundations, and drive my pursuers from my doorstep. As I stood there and the wind howled and screamed, I knew I was somehow safe, that the tornado wouldn't hurt me. I had mastered it. It was mine.

Another dream later in the week also had tornadoes. I was trying to guide myself and others through a perilous landscape and tornadoes kept rising. I raised my hand and stilled them. They were tamed, just like that. There was never even a question, never even a possibility that my power couldn't overcome them.

Unless you knew me when I was younger, when a tornado for me always meant a terrifying wake up-with-your-heart-pounding-sweat-pouring nightmare, this may not seem like a very big deal. But I can't begin to fathom what this means in its entirety. What I do know, is that this means that even if only on a subconscious level,  I'm growing into someone who doesn't let fear control her.

I have to wonder if this is related to another thing regarding fear that I've been dealing with. Off and on for the past couple of months, I've been waking up from dreams in the middle of the night (that weren't scary at all) I then discover that when I try to go back to sleep, I have this uneasy feeling that something is there, that I'm somehow in danger. The interesting bit, is that it's like I'm somehow still asleep when this happens. There's this haze.... that seems to separate the rational part of my mind from this other part of my mind which is telling me that anything is possible, that I'm in danger.

This mainly focuses on mundane dangers: "someone could be about to break in!" is a common one. Sometimes it's bad enough that my mind jumps to supernatural possibilities "something could walk through that walk and attack you!" weirder things have happened, but I was always able to deal. I'm still here. I try to rationalize with this part of myself that's stuck on the other side of the haze, but it doesn't work. I can't seem to ground myself when this happens. My rational mind always wins out- I don't know the reason for one part of my mind going "danger danger danger!" but I'm able to go "whatever" and get on with my life. I always wake up and stay up for a bit before I get back to sleep, but I'm always able to after an hour or two. It takes nearly that long to get that other part of myself back to reality.

On a hunch, I started keeping a journal when this happened. I calculate the astrological day and hour, and so far it's always been on the Night of Venus. So far, it's happened during the hour of Moon, and the hour of Mars. I think this may have something to do with what's happening, but why it is, is another thing entirely. Either way, this is a way I've been able to observe and take action regarding these "fear episodes" when they happen. This is also a big reason why I've begun establishing a bond to Sekhmet. As she is a very powerful and solar deity. The sun is the light of Tiphareth, and so banishes the darkness of irrational fear, and low-vibration entities that could be spawned from this.

It could be that in these ways, I'm taking control of myself, and my fear of the unknown in a way that seriously impacts how I see myself able to cope with it. If this is true, it would explain why I've been having dreams of controlling the tornadoes that arise, and seeing them as a something to be respected, but not as a source of fear.

More Gematria and sigil headscratching

So, it's 4:30 in the morning and I can't seem to get back to sleep. My current resources are limited, and even the internet doesn't seem to be giving me any answers to the questions I'm asking.


My question is this: Why are some names of entities shortened? To give an example of what is bugging me, I'll use Hismael again.


According to the research I've done, the hebrew for Hismael should be   
היסמאהל


However, it's been shortened to

הסמאל

So, the question is why? A quick check shows that when each is transformed into a sigil on the kamea of Jupiter, the sigils are clearly different in a fundamental way. I mean, yes, the longer version is really complex and kind of messy when you draw it out...but since when has that stopped someone from using a sigil? So are both sigils equally accurate, despite different values (HSMAL being 136, and HISMAEL being 151) and design, and it's merely aesthetics that dictates which version has survived the ravages of time? Or have I run into a blind that someone designed, and only one design is right? 

I keep looking around, but can't seem to find the answer. Does anyone out there have an answer for me?

A rant, and some thoughts on Gematria

 I picked up a book on amulets and talismans recently, and I've been reading through it. A vast portion of it makes extraordinary and unsupported historical claims (such as magic being in use by ancient peoples who decided it didn't always work, so turned their ways to worshiping gods after they already had magic and rituals.) and the author herself makes glaring contradictions in what she seems to believe. Not to mention the fluffy new agey trend of tying crystal power to some ancient Atlantian power. But apparently some people need confirmation from fantasy stories to confirm that their magic is real, and to sell their books. (no offense to you Chaotes out there who use fictional elements in your magic :) 

There were however some gems in the book that I didn't expect to find. There was a  section on kameas (magic squares) and even a section on how to derive sigils from names. This section referenced another section of the book, which led me to begin studying Gematria, and how it can be used to create sigils.

To make sure I understood the process I took Hismael's name and sigil, and then translated Hismael's name into Hebrew letters. Once I got to work,  Hismael quickly became HSMAL. To be sure that I had translated it correctly, I placed it over the kamea of Jupiter, and traced it out. This gave me much more information on how Hebrew actually works. Just when I thought I had it down, I decided to give Yophiel a try. I think I was correct on Y=I in Hebrew, but going much beyond that, it fell apart pretty quickly. That's what happens when you sit down, and try to teach yourself how the Hebrew letters work I suppose :) Either way, this has definitely lead to a greater interest in learning more Hebrew, and studying Gematria, and how to work with talismans and kameas.

Sadly I can't do that with my current collection of books. The good news is that my dear friend Conjureman Ali suggested a book that I can use for that :) So soon I'll be picking up a copy of Making Talismans: Living Entities of Power, by Nick Farell. 

I also have a couple of projects in mind that I'll likely post about later. 

Patterns

After about a week (or two? I lose track of time) of getting back into the swing of things, I'm starting to notice things again. I've been convinced ever since I was younger, that there is a pattern to how things unfold in life. Whether this is because of some divine mechanism, or something else, I've never been sure.  

There have been times in my life when the pattern of cause and effect have been all too apparent, and/or there have been things happen that almost seem to foreshadow an event to come. Sometimes it's catching a word on the radio, getting a weird feeling, and then not thinking anything of it. Then you realize an eerie connection after the fact, when something related to that word happens to a friend. It's almost like a feeling of deja-vu when you stumble upon one of the "patterns" as I think of them. It's like the universe is speaking to you, and telling you to listen, because something is going to be important. 

This happened again today for the first time in ages. I was visiting a friend up in the Seattle area, and as we were driving, I kept seeing the name of another friend who lived in the region. It showed up on street signs, church signs, and other places. I thought nothing of it at first. I mentioned it to the friend I was with, because I thought it was cute when we went through a town with the same name. We hung out, had a great time, and then I had to catch my ride home. Once I've made the switch between vehicles and I'm headed home, I start noticing the street signs. I get this weird feeling and start wondering for a moment if it's somehow indicative of  that friend being in trouble. Then the next street sign had MY actual birth name on it, and I felt a chill. I took it as a sign, and immediately texted the friend in question, asking her if she was ok. I figured my fears would be put to rest as nothing more than the result of my overactive imagination. My heart sank when I got the message that she wasn't ok at all. As I found out, there had been a serious problem with her medication, and she was in a bad state. I let her know that if she needed anything while I was in the area, that she could call me, and my boyfriend and I would be there. She said she'd be ok, and I'm hoping that's the case. I have very mixed feelings about the situation. While on one hand I'm glad that my psychic skills are picking up again, I'm also very concerned about her health. I'm hoping that's all that the universe was telling me, and that there isn't more yet to happen. That's the problem with patterns- you never know where one ends and another begins.  

Why Netjer?

 The word Netjer, is a word that I've adopted from the Kemetic faith, who in turn adopted it from an ancient Egyptian word, meaning "divine power" or "god(s)" While I've found this word to be useful, as it is becoming much more widespread in pagan circles; I also understand that it confuses some people into thinking that I am part of the Kemetic faith. I'm not. Nor am I a member of any particular re-constructionist faiths pertaining to ancient Egypt. I did research a few of these groups after I started working with Egyptian gods, but I found them to be wanting.

I understand this may offend some people out there, but in my opinion, we can't reconstruct the religion of the ancient Egyptians. We just don't know enough about how the common people lived and worshiped, or have the cultural immersion to understand and make connections to even begin to guess at deeper cultural meanings within the stories and mythology.

The bulk of the writings we have, are composed of lots of names, and about the journey of the pharaoh to Duat, maybe some history here and there, with more names and talking about bloodlines. A lot of the stories and roles of the gods are focused around the protection or judging of the pharaoh, or the gods fighting each other, or trying to seduce each other. Where's the stories about how the gods relate to the common people? I mean, yeah there's the story of Sekhmet, when she goes on a rampage, kills lots of people, and has to be placated... but that tells us nothing about the worship of the common people.

We are not pharaohs, and most of us don't even have credentials in Egyptology. I know I sure as hell don't.  We can only guess at how the common people viewed, and interacted with their gods. Because of this, I don't try to recreate an ancient religion. While I understand that some people do, and I respect that, I find no meaning or purpose in it.

I may take ancient titles, and call the gods by these during ritual work. I may look to the west to call upon Anubis, as west is the direction of the setting sun, and so the direction associated with death, and the underworld. I do these things with the knowledge that I am constructing, not re-constructing the way that I work with these deities, and the way that I approach the ritual work associated with them.

Sekhmet

A few nights ago, I started having dreams about Sekhmet. As this is also how Anubis first made contact with me, I decided to take it seriously. Unlike Anubis, Sekhmet was more direct, specifically speaking to me in the dream and giving me her blessing. She spoke and told me "You have the blessing of the Lion of War" In the dream, I didn't specifically know it was her. I only knew her as more than "The Lion of War" upon waking, and recognizing her as Sekhmet.

I meditated on this, and realized that her coming into my life at this time is actually very fitting. While Anubis is a deity that I associate much more with a watery quality, Sekhmet is much more fiery. Indeed one of her titles is "Lady of the Flame" That kind of spark is just what I need to get out of my stagnating rut, and to help me grow, and banish my inner demons. I won't stop working with Anubis, but earlier today I decided to do a working to call Sekhmet, and actually start a working relationship with her.

On that note, I've also been making myself more conscious of when certain emotions or ideas overcome me. I was sitting at my laptop, and specifically got a jolt where I thought "now is the time, I have to do the ritual now!" I checked the planetary day and hour, and it was perfect. Day of Mars, Hour of Mars. What better a time for calling the Lion of War?

I immediately cleared a space on my floor in front of my altar, and went hunting for the supplies I would need. It didn't take long before I dug out a red candle, a stick of raw cinnamon, and set up the altar with my Sekhmet dagger (hand carved last year, with the intent to sell, but it never sold)

I set up the altar with the red candle, and placed it in a dish. A large bone sat next to it. A giant quartz crystal sat at the back, holding the dagger up, with Sekhmet's face facing me. A large chunk amethyst was also placed on the altar, to help facilitate a psychic connection.

I lit the candle, and proceeded to do the LBRP to clear the area and myself of negativity. I used the Sekhemet dagger for the work. It wasn't the strongest LBRP I've ever done, but it was still good. I still felt the rush when my body was in the Tau pose, and the angels had been called upon.

With that completed, began to call Sekhmet. While I was calling her, I burnt the cinnamon over the flame, and made an offering of rum in the dish. It took her awhile to arrive, but when she did, it was clear. I felt a weight/power upon me that was nearly overwhelming. Having never worked with a solar deity, I wasn't prepared for the type of energy I had called upon. My body felt warm, the sort of warm you get when you have a pile of laundry fresh out of the dryer, and the presence was very obvious.

I thanked her for coming, and for her blessing, and while I can't actually "communicate" with entities on a level more than "this feels right or wrong" it was clear when she had accepted my terms. My active portion of the ritual had ended. I left the candle burning, the energy from which is being used to cement our working relationship. When the candle burns out, it should light the rum on fire, sending the offering to the Lady of the Flame :)

(edit) apparently I miscalculated. I started the ritual in about the middle of the hour of Jupiter, not Mars. So while I thought I might be somehow sensing the planetary hour, I'll have to chalk this up to a happy coincidence, that the hour of Mars was coming up. Sekhemet would have shown up around when the hour of Mars started though- so my intent may have also delayed her, as my focus had been to do the working at the hour of Mars. I'll have to pay more attention in the future and gain a better understanding of the planetary hours, and how they affect my workings.

Introduction

Ever since seeing other friends of mine joining the blog bandwagon, I've considered getting a blog of my own. I argued with myself for a while, feeling like I didn't really have anything worth writing down, either for myself or for others. So what's my goal with this blog? Well, I'm not entirely sure yet myself. I suppose I'm hoping that starting a blog will urge me to write more and become more serious in my magical practices.

Originally a native of California, and being forced to move around a lot in the past...five years (Wow, it's really been that long? Yeah this is way overdue. ) hasn't been good for my magical practice. In fact, it's made me little more than a dabbler. It's hard for me to say that, it's not something I'm proud of. I used to be serious about my magical practice, doing morning rituals, evening rituals, and working hard to better myself. Oh, and I was arrogant, that didn't help. When you feel like you're some powerful force to be reckoned with, and practically steps from "enlightenment" Yeah, you aren't there yet, in fact nowhere near.

I've come to terms with this. Devoting yourself to the Great Work is hard. It takes time, dedication, and lots of time management skills. So what does this have to do with the title of the blog?  I've decided to return to my magical roots, start over, learn the lessons I didn't learn before, and hopefully grow into a better and stronger person for it. (Minus the arrogance of course)  My roots lie in working with the Egyptian pantheon. Originally I mainly just worked with Anubis in his aspect as a guardian. That's what I needed at that point in life. When I was a teenager and lived in an abusive household, I needed something to protect me. To me, this was Anubis, guardian and protector of orphans and lost souls. I had some other ideas about him at the time that were inaccurate (that he was a healer for example, and not just Lord of the Mummy Wrappings) I worked with him and engrossed myself in a magical life from age 13 to 18, and sometime after that I fell out of practice as much. Sure I still worked with my oracle cards, did some candle magic, fooled around with crystals, and did the LBRP one or twice a year or so, but my progress began to focus more on the material instead of the spiritual- mainly getting a job and establishing myself in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with material pursuits. But I didn't know how to make time for magic. My time management skills were poor, and then I didn't know HOW I could practice while living in the dorms at college. I remember sometimes going up onto the roof of the building and doing my meditations and prayers up there, overlooking Lake Union and the towering mountains and city at the other side. But it wasn't the same as when I had my own private space.

Now I'm 23, out of work except for the occasional graphic design job, or painting commission (which always seem to show up right when I "NEED" them) and I find myself looking back towards magic, and how much more fulfilled I felt in my life when I was actively working towards the Great Work.

I'm hoping this blog will help motivate me to write about my experiences, and to have MORE experiences :)

The next post will be more interesting. I promise.