Saturday, November 26, 2011

Finally

Finally my little slice of the apartment is starting to come together. I got to work on it at about 3:30 am and worked on it until 5am, crashed for six hours, got up,  and worked on it more. I've got a simple altar to Anubis started up, and Sekhmet is next on the list. Mostly I'm still working on cleaning up the random crap and books on the floor, and getting rid of the last of my empty boxes. The space is actually working out quite well, though I was skeptical at first about how small it was. I've managed to make it work.

Here's a couple photos for you voyeuristic types.  ;)


I found a couple of crystals when I was cleaning. They used to belong to my boyfriend before he gave up magic. They're quite nice, but they've got a funk about them. Time to
cleanse! Hence the bowl of salt on the chest.


















Still got a long way to go, but it's a start!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Printfection store, and Thanksgiving

You know those t-shirts with witty phrases? Of course you do!
While sitting in bed, bleary eyed after a long night of sleep; a phrase of my own came to mind. It came out of nowhere really, but after I looked it up online, I confirmed that I seem to be the first to come up with it:

"Pagans do it with wands and chalices"

I stared at the zero results on google for a moment, and quickly decided I was going to cash in on it while I still could!

So for anyone who's interested, here's a store I made just for the occasion- http://www.printfection.com/mystic-oasis

I have other t-shirt designs in the works(like this one) so I'll probably use this store for a lot more. It's way better than Cafepress as far as quality goes, and there's more of a selection.

 Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know I'm thankful for all the wonderful people, spirits, and future that is unfolding in my life. Also thankful for random ideas :D

Monday, November 21, 2011

Moving Forward

There's been a lot of distractions, and uncertainties in my life lately. An uncertain future lies ahead of me. There are many paths I could take, but only two I'm looking at seriously. Sometimes growth means pain. It means overcoming your fears, clinging to life, knowing it's time to let the old self die, and move toward a new life, with new opportunities. Life is a beautiful struggle. When one thing gets easy, another gets harder. There's a balance that is maintained, and sometimes that leads to times when things are easy.

After weeks of struggling, I've finally reached that last place. I'm standing on the brink of a new future, staring across the expanse of the abyss before me. At this moment in time, I'm not afraid. I feel a sense of clarity that I haven't in a long time. My struggles have led to a fantastic career as a model, a confidence in myself that rivals anything I've had before, and a greater sense of self.

While I still haven't been able to set up a proper altar in my new home, for a number of reasons, it hasn't stopped me from embracing the magic in my life. I call upon Anubis and Sekhmet before I sleep, to protect me on my trips to the world of dreams, and illuminate any shadows both within, and outside of the fringes of my consciousness.  I am guarded from nightmares, and my dreams seem clearer upon waking.


To help protect myself from the cold bite of winter, when I have to venture outside I see myself as a dog or wolf. The feeling of having a thick coat of fur, and rough paw-pads helps keep me warm, and brings me into a state of mind where I am alert and focused when outside. I'm keenly aware of the world around me. The sights, the smells, my hearing, my physical balance honed to its best.

I thank the spirits that died for the food I consume, and I enchant my food and drink to further grant me health and success in my endeavors. 

I may not have a formalized personal space where I can do my magical work, but I live a life of magic. It is the path I walk, the air I breathe, the spirit of my resolve. It cannot be taken from me. It will not be taken from me.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Shapeshift Responsibly

I have briefly mentioned in the past, that I identify as someone who feels as if they are an “animal” in a human body. I am well aware of the fact that I am human, and quite happy to to have opposable thumbs. This doesn’t change the fact that on a much deeper level, I tune in very easily with a more “primal” self. That part of myself has a non-human form in my mind. My internal symbolism seems to stay pretty consistent.

By tuning into that animal-self, I can bring myself to a different level, where I can do things I am unable to do, in a “normal” state of mind. One thing that I find this works quite well for, is enduring pain.

As a woman, and as myself in general, I experience a variety of physical pains on a number of levels. I don’t believe that animals don’t experience pain in the same way that we do. We feel the same “pain” but don’t share all of the same experiences that go along with the sensation of pain. Pain is something we fear, pain is something that we shy away from, and it is our fear and human thoughts about the pain, what is causing it, etc that makes it a different experience as a human.

Now, as humans we are still animals, but it’s difficult to reach down into ourselves and put aside human fears, and embrace the part of ourselves that knows how to just “be” despite any painful sensations that are felt.

When I need to, I’ve found that I can drop into a more animalistic state, by focusing on bringing the image of my animal-self to the forefront, and becoming that image. With this “shapeshifting” technique of sorts, I can bring the animal-self forward to deal with physical pain. Depending on what I’m doing, this can help manage the pain a lot, or a little.

I find it easier to push through pain when I’m in a state like this. I think of it a controlled “disassociation”  the animal self deals with the pain, while the human self deals with higher thinking. They are both very clearly “me” despite being able to switch out these aspects as needed.

The importance here is control. The human self is not incapable of handling pain, and sometimes someone does need to evaluate how badly they are actually injured. Moving through pain isn’t always the best option, and the sensation is there for a reason. I’ve heard of lizards who will get their toenails stuck on something, keep pulling, and merrily walk away without half a toe, as if nothing ever happened.

Animals can also react badly, depending on what is causing the pain, or if they perceive someone or something, as a potential threat. The human mind should never be put away entirely, or we lose ourselves to simple reaction: fight or flight.

As this separation of human and animal is a coping mechanism I created as a child, yes I have lost myself to that sort of impulsive behavior before when working with this structure. No, it isn’t safe, and while I am certainly not a psychologist, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s this kind of disassociation, and loosing yourself within the animal-self that leads to clinical lycanthropy. I walked the edge as a child in this regard. There were times I didn’t think I was human at all, and this did affect how I viewed, experienced, and treated the world.

Messing with the mind like this isn’t safe if you don’t understand what you’re doing. (Hell, even if you THINK you know what you’re doing you probably don’t understand all the implications, I sure don’t always, though it helps that I try.) But as long as you have control, as long as you understand on some level the roles these parts of yourself play, I don’t see problems with using techniques like this to do things like dull the pain of menstruation, or keeping your body moving in the cold when you’re already sore and exhausted, and trying very hard to get somewhere safe.

“Shapeshifting” in my experience, is much more than just feeling a second skin, a second body-shape over your physical human one. I think a lot of books neglect this sort of warning. Then again, it’s possible that most people stop at the “ooh, I feel like I have wings, or a tail!” stage, and don’t push beyond that. It could just be that because I developed this sort of thing originally as a coping mechanism, that I went deeper than most people. But to me, it’s an invocation, and a connection to the more primal nature of the self. Sometimes that isn’t pretty or kind. Nature certainly isn’t.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Not magic related, but...

Not really going to say much. I'm just going to point you towards this: http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/306/9/3/dragon_prosthetic__halloween_2011_by_kebechett-d4etp0m.png

That's a prosthetic I made for Halloween. Since I know not everyone reads my facebook or anything (and things get lost in the shuffle) I wanted to point this out. While I still need to do more experimenting with latex casting, I am confident that the mold I have is sufficient to start turning out sell-able prosthetic dragon faces :) The question is, would anyone be interested? Alternately, now that I know I can pull this shit off, I'm willing to take on custom prosthetic work, once I understand a little bit more about the casting of latex.

I'm sure this COULD be incorporated into magical work, but this project was more about looking cool on Halloween and pushing the limits of what I knew about sculpting and costuming.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Followers

Holy crap, I have followers! When did that happen? Oo'
Hi followers :D If anyone else actually reads this blog, feel free to say hi.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

An Update, finally, right?


Yesterday I got to see ConjureMan for the first time in a long while. I hadn’t seen him in about six months, and it seems like every time we work something out, our time meddling in the affairs of mortals together is cut short :P
For once though, he made it up to my neck of the woods. We didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time together, but we talked a lot, and went to a semi-local zoo to gawk at the animals in the rain :) It was nice to actually be able to hang out with him alone so we could talk properly. I’ve considered him one of my closest friends for years, and it’s always a little awkward when you’re stuck with other people.  We talked shop about the occult, traditionalism VS. non-traditionalism, staying safe, and his personal approaches to conjuring and working with what some would consider unfriendly spirits. I hadn’t laughed so hard in ages, as when he compared summoning a spirit while threatening to torture it etc. with stepping off of an airplane swinging a sword at people. Who the hell is going to treat you like a sane person worth being friendly with if you pull that shit, right? So treat your spirits like respectable beings, and don't act like you're a terrorist :) Thankfully in the few times I've approached entities, that's always been my approach, more or less anyway, minus other elements of traditionalism, but you work with what you have, and hopefully you get results.
While I hadn’t really considered it before, I also realized one of the reasons I haven’t fully “dedicated” myself in recent years to much deeper magical practice, is because I’m unsure of whether or not I’m mentally stable enough to undertake things at this point. I’m still very emotionally raw from a lot of issues in my past, and about issues regarding my physical health, and how that ties in to things that people I should have been able to trust (family) has done to me. I will never be able to have normal function in my legs because of the surgery I was forced into when I was a child. Any health problems I have involving my legs are structural. The bolts and plates in there are there to stay. Exercise, and strengthening the muscles and gaining more elasticity will help, but only so much, in only so many ways.
If I had someone local who I could consider a friend and mentor, who I actually knew has been through at least as much hell as I have, and not lost their marbles (more than I have ;) ) and had good magical results, I’d totally jump into things more quickly. The issue is that I KNOW I don’t know as much as it may look like I do, and I’m not comfortable with experimenting willy nilly with forces that I don’t completely understand. Magick has consequences. It can be dangerous, and not every spirit wants to give you a hug. Sure I’ll work with Anubis and Sekhmet. (she isn’t into hugs either, though Anubis will spare a bit more sympathy).  Sure I’ll do some money magic here and there, and work to improve things in my life. Sure I’ll project over to a buddy on the other side of the country to check out what their energy is like, and maybe do some healing work if they request it.
I’ve certainly made magick a part of my life, and I’ve been taking it farther as I branch out more over the years. A lot of it has been about personal development, making myself strong enough to face my inner demons, my fears, and to take control of my emotions so that they don’t control me. (I had a terrible temper when I was younger, but thankfully I’ve moved on from trying to throttle people, and on to more civilized methods of dealing with people.) Some of the important lessons I figured out on my own, others I’ve learned more recently from Sekhmet. They’re little things, but they add up to something bigger. “Stand up for what you believe in, fight when you believe you’re right, stand tall and keep your head up, don’t make yourself look weak or small to avoid confrontation, don’t be afraid of confrontation, sometimes it’s needed” these are just a few. Keys on how to present myself, to be safe, to be successful, to gain more confidence in myself and my abilities.
I’m rambling at this point though. Hopefully my next entry won’t be so long in coming. Things have been crazy, but they’re still good.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I almost died yesterday

Yes, you read that correctly. I'm still in shock over it myself, and how easily my unpleasant experience could have been prevented if I had understood what was going on. So what happened?
I wish I could have said it was something awesome, like getting sucked into another world where I was some kind of hero, and playing Narnia and nearly getting killed in the process, or fighting off a demonic horde. We all want our deaths, and near-deaths to be something we can be somewhat happy with in the end. (or at least I do)

So what DID happen? The answer is simple: dehydration. I hadn't recovered from all the hard work I did moving furniture, or the stress of moving, and then it got hot. For some reason I didn't realize how thirsty I was, even when I had something to drink. I'd been feeling tired, figured it had to do with the birth control meds I was taking, dosed myself up on caffeine, went on a modeling gig, the photographer bought me a frappe, and six hours later when I get home, and go to the store with Tony (Erelin) I have sudden numbness/tingling and leg pain, I sit down trying to handle it, and suddenly my vision went fuzzy like a bad tv. Tony managed to get me half-way out of the store before I went completely blind. It was total darkness. I managed to keep myself from passing out, helped by Tony repeatedly telling me to stay with him. We got outside, and within a couple of minutes, my vision started returning. Everything was black, but I was suddenly able to vaguely discern shapes in the darkness. Eventually it all came back, and everything was ok.

During the experience, I genuinely thought I might be dying. My hearing was going in and out, my sense of touch, including ability to feel temperature was gone, and I'd gone completely blind. I wasn't sure why I might be dying (my guess was blood clot from the birth control at the time) but I prayed to the gods, and I kept thinking to myself "Is this really it? I've barely made it anywhere, I never got very far, fuck this is a shitty way to go."

Once I recovered, and went over all of this, I had a realization. I could have died. I didn't, thank the gods, (and Tony, and the fact that I'm stubborn as a mule) but I could have. I've been putting off my magical practices and putting them off "oh, I'll just take a break, and jump into it when we get into the new place" or "hmm the house is a mess, I should really clean it, and find time to do my meditations later." It just gets so damn easy to put things off and put things off.

If I want to get ANYTHING done, I need a strict regimen. I need to put myself on a sleep schedule, I need to eat (and drink) at certain times, I need to set specific times for magical work, and stick to them. My mentality has been "I've got plenty of time, I'll get to it later" Fuck that shit, what time? I almost DIED. I don't know how much time I have. People have told me in the past "you know, you could die tomorrow" and I agreed, but I didn't ever actually grock it. I never actually consciously understood what that meant. I just smiled, nodded, and went on with my day. I have disrespected myself, and disrespected those who have tried to teach me; human and divine. For that I am ashamed.

It's pathetic that I had to almost die to actually see what I've done. 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Update on the Phoenix Goddess Temple

An update on the Phoenix Goddess Temple arrests can be found here.
It appears that I was right that they broke multiple laws. There was also a six month investigation before the raid, which showed that acts of prostitution were taking place. I'm not really surprised, and we need to realize as a pagan community that every time we see a "victim" who happens to be pagan, in the news, it doesn't always mean that they were being discriminated against.

Sacred Sexuality and the Law

If you've been following some of the latest news in the pagan blogosphere, you've heard about the raids on two pagan churches in Arizona.

As a pagan, and as a magician, I understand the power sexual energy has, and how it can be transformative if used correctly. I understand that in the distant past, there were sacred prostitutes in such places as the temples of Aphrodite. I understand that sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of, and that it can be a beautiful thing.

Regardless of this, regardless of ancient traditions, it is completely irresponsible and illegal to try to create a business around services surrounding sexual healing services. It doesn't matter if they genuinely were practicing their religion.  They took donations for their "church" for their business, which focused on providing sexual services.

Prostitution, no matter how sacred you may think it is, is illegal. I do have a lot of respect for the people who work in that arena, as I've seen bits and pieces of what that world is like, throughout my years of meeting people as a figure model. But the bottom line is, they broke the law, and weren't shy about it. I'm frankly disgusted at how many people are saying we need to rally behind these people who were arrested, for blatantly breaking multiple laws, all because they had "goddess" in their name, and claimed to be a part of the pagan community.


Besides breaking the law by taking money for sexual services, many of these people also called themselves councilors, and offered "counciling" services.  From what I have heard, none of these people had a degree in anything, from any remotely accredited or respected institution. It is also illegal (though the law varies by state) to claim to provide psychological services when you have no degree or license to practice in that area. At most, some of these women had semi-formal massage training. (I say semi-formal, because the school in question that provided them with instruction is no longer in existence)

As pagans, we need to not rally behind these people, but distance ourselves from them! This is NOT a case of religious discrimination. This is NOT a case of gender discrimination, patriarchy, or whatever other discriminatory bullshit you choose to label this with. If you disagree, feel free to go back to your burning times conspiracy theories. Laws were broken, and the police had every right to arrest these people involved. Period, end of story, until I see something solid in the news that says differently. By saying that we should rally behind them, you're saying that we should rally behind criminals. That isn't ok, and it makes the rest of the pagan community look bad. I'd like to think that we're smarter, and better than that.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Packing up, moving on

In the next couple of days, I'll begin the first leg of moving to a different apartment in a different town, in a different state. But for now, I'm packing up my life, and getting ready to move on. It's strange really. The last couple places I lived, I was eager to move on. I was eager to get out, and get into somewhere new. This time it's different. I've established a home here. My home is my sanctuary, and I have made it such, through both my magical work, and the fact that I've lived here comfortably for the past year and a half.

While I do look forward to living in downtown Olympia, getting back into the swing of things with college, and starting fresh in a place with even more potential...It feels strange to be sifting through everything, downsizing on everything I own, and packing up what I'm keeping. It's that feeling that you're right at a crossroads in life, and you've got things pulling you two different ways. I've got that now, and while it isn't fun, I know it's necessary. Culling the things I own, but don't need, or use is necessary, and even moreso before I take the next steps to a fresh start in a new place.

I'm greatly looking forward to establishing my new magical space in Olympia, and installing the ladder I'm going to need, to get up to the loft where I'll be practicing. I like the symbolism there too :)

Wednesday morning, I'll do a rite to clear my energy from this place, so it'll be fresh for the next person who moves in. Hopefully they'll feel as welcome here as I have.

Then it's off to near the Canadian border for a couple weeks to wait for the apartment in Olympia to be ready for us to move in. I'll be in the Seattle area off and on between the 3rd and the 14th doing some work as well, but mostly I'm going to be able to take a nice big break from things for a couple of weeks, before getting settled in at the new place.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The dangers of Imbalance

I think I'm starting to understand why so many people follow organized belief systems: It's HARD to forge your own spiritual path, and it also has the potential to be dangerous. Self discovery is hard enough, but self discovery and spiritual growth through a system that hasn't been explored and written extensively about by others..it's something else entirely.

My work with Sekhmet has taken me far, but after yesterday, I've decided that it's important that I re-integrate Anubis into my active spiritual practice if I'm going to continue to work actively with Sekhmet. Why? Because now I've integrated her into my life to the point that I've hit a tipping point. Too much of a good thing can be bad. When I first went into this path, if I had faced confrontation, my first instinct would have been to run, to avoid confrontation at all costs.

Yesterday, I was severely wronged by an individual, and this person completely messed up my life plans that I had been working on for months. I found this out through a mutual acquaintance, and I felt myself snap. I nearly had to be physically restrained by Erelin to prevent me from ripping down the door and "dealing" with the problem. The part of me that I have been cultivating through Sekhmet was at the forefront, and I wanted revenge. I wanted justice, I wanted blood. I didn't want to run away from confrontation, I wanted to run right into it, and dominate the person who had wronged me. I wanted to crush them. I felt as if my body was as hers, leonine, with great fangs, and I felt power and strength fill me along with the rage.

Let no one forget that Sekhmet is the Lion of War, and a Goddess of rage and bloodlust. I don't run from conflict anymore, I'm not afraid of it. But I should not relish it. I should not desire to crush others. This was too much. I was overcome by rage, and I had to be talked down from doing anything stupid. Sekhmet is definitely power, but she is also blind rage, and this energy has to be tempered or it will consume you. She is firey and Solar, and Anubis is watery and Lunar. To be where I need to be, I need to balance the two, and grow from that union, and from there? I don't know yet.

I understand that what I am doing, that forging my own path is dangerous, but this is what I have always done, and this is what I will continue to do, until I find something else that clicks and helps me to grow more into a stronger and better person.

As for that individual? Some magick is definitely in order.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Money Magic and Ceromancy

During my stay here in Seattle, I made my way over to Edge of the Circle, and picked up some "Fast Luck Oil" and a money candle, and finally got a proper incense for Sekhmet from Rosarium Blends.

I'll admit, this was going to be my first time doing money magic, and while my finances have been good here, they could be better. So I decided to give it a shot.

 I did my work on Sunday, during the hour of Jupiter. Carved the symbol of Jupiter into the candle, dressed the candle with my Fast Luck oil, prayed my intentions of what avenues I wanted used to grant me the money I wanted (you know, not having someone die and leave me money, that sort of thing)

The candle burned oddly compared to other candles I've burnt. The other candles I've burnt have mainly been offerings to gods, and spirits. They seem to get eaten right up, down to almost the last drop of wax. It just evaporates as if the candle was never there. I honestly thought that this was typical of candles, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

This time, the candle I burned melted into a puddle. This was so strange to me, that I looked it up. I was sure it had to mean "something" other than "oh, my candle melted into a puddle and all the wax is still here) And after a little research I discovered a form of divination called Ceromancy, or the art of reading candles/candle wax. There seems to be a couple of forms of this. One form involves "reading" the candle as it burns, and watching signs of things like smoke, crackling, speed of melting, how the candle melts, when the candle burns out, etc. The other involves taking hot candle wax and dripping it into some cold water, and reading the shapes the wax take.

I'd actually been doing some of this for a long time, and never knew that there was a word for it. I'd watch the candles and "read" them for any signs the gods/spirits might have been trying to tell me. How quickly the candle burned, how easily it lit, how much of the candle was left over.. to me these things told me important things about how the spirit was accepting the offering, if they were accepting it. If it was sluggish, I noted what planetary hour I was doing my offerings in, and considered that it may have been a poor hour for working with them.

Now that I know that there's an actual word for this, and much more to reading candles than I have currently learned, I'm planning on learning much more about this art. It's quite useful, and the better I can understand it, the better my workings will be.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lucid Dreaming, and how to protect yourself magically when you sleep

After a recent event, I want to talk about lucid dreaming.

This is a skill that I'm sure a lot of people have heard of, but not everyone knows how to achieve.
You may be familiar with the idea of recording your dreams or becoming more aware of them, but I've discovered a very useful trick that seems to work wonders for making you go lucid while in your dream.

But why would you want to take control of your dreams? Sure there's the idea that you could direct your dreams, fly around, visit fantastic places in your head, but there's the other side of the coin: Sometimes we get stuck in nightmares with no idea how to wake up or get out.

The latter was the case with me yesterday evening. I have been visiting a friend, and after noticing some odd energy and disturbances in the kitchen (with nothing there when I checked) one night, within 24 hours I had a strange and terrifying string of nightmares when I took a nap. What strikes me the most about this, is that I was experiencing horrors for days in the dream, and I was only asleep for an hour and a half, and an entity presented itself to me in the nightmare, and tried to "claim" me. while I was finding myself in a pit of my own insanity. Very Lovecraftian really, complete with tentacle-like tendrils.

I managed to break out. How? I've observed my dreams enough to know the strange patterns that seem to fill my creepy dream worlds: doors that hinge on the wrong side, rooms that are clean when they are normally cluttered- basically things that are subtle but still quite creepy and give a feeling of "wrongness" I know my mind well enough to know what to look for subconsciously to break out of a dream I want no part of. I've developed a method where I will bite my thumb if I think that I'm dreaming. If I am dreaming, the thumb will deflate like a creepy balloon. If I'm not dreaming, it will hurt like a bitch, and leave bite marks. If you create a way to check yourself on whether you're dreaming or not, and make it something that's important, something that you memorize, something that will become second nature to you if you're dreaming to do...then you've got a weapon against dreams you don't want. You can break out, no matter how bad the nightmare.

I have since erected proper wards against the negative energy hanging around, and have added a prayer to Anubis and Sekhmet before I sleep here.

Sekhmet, Lion of War, protect me from those that wish me harm as I sleep tonight.
Illuminate any plot against me, and those who may wish me harm. Help me to see the truth. 
Anubis, guide and guardian, guard my path tonight as I sleep, so that my mind and soul do not wander into places of darkness. Stand with me, and protect me from harm.

This simple idea for a prayer will work with other gods as well, and you can tailor it to your needs. I've been sleeping like a log since I started doing it.

Combined with being able to know when you're dreaming, and break out of any negative dreams, you have a potent tool against getting caught in nightmares, whether influenced by outside forces, or natural.

A cleaning is also in order for the place I am staying, but I will take care of that as I am able. I hope to pick up some Florida water tomorrow, and clear out any negative energies, and keep them out. I'll probably talk about how that goes when I'm able to do it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Professionalism- He does not have it

One of the problems I run into with modeling of any kind, is how to get information out of photographers about what it is they actually want. I've gotten pretty good at this, and my work with Sekhmet seems to help me perfect the art of "candor" I've learned to be blunt and open, so that everything is on the table. The other side of the coin is that this is also the art of calling people on their bullshit, and often open and blunt, isn't very polite.

I've been chatting back and forth with a photographer out near Olympia, and was setting up a shoot with him. He'd seemed a little odd, but I was sure it was just him being eccentric. When I confirmed that I was interested, and wanted to set up a day to work with him, he sent me this:

"You'll be shooting erotica with my 35 year old son.
He will pay your rate and do the shoot. I am asking him to do some experimental work for me with the use of an iPhone instaed of a pro camera - it's easiier to tavel with less elecronic gear through TSA and is lighter weight using less battery than normal - yet the results are much better than expected. "


Whoa, whoa, wait, what?


First off, where did the "erotica" bit come from, and why are you getting your son, who I have never talked to, who we never discussed, to shoot pictures of me, when you said YOU were going to do it?


This was the stuff going through my head, instead I replied with:


"(Name of Photographer),

I'm going to have to decline. I signed up to shoot with you, not someone I know nothing about, and the fact that this has been sprung on me like this makes me very uncomfortable. I do not think I will be working with you"

He replied, saying that "We're not monsters dear" but at this point it's not worth saying more. 
Sekhmet has reinforced the idea that I need to stand up for what I believe in, walk my talk, and regardless of any justifications this person can give, therefore I shouldn't give them any of my time at this point.

Regardless of whether or not these individuals are "monsters," it doesn't matter. Humans make errors in judgment, it's part of what makes us human. Some of us make errors in judgment more often than others, and that includes things like poor communication skills and pushing boundaries without meaning to. In a high risk choice of work like I'm in, I can't afford to accept apologies and justifications. I travel around the country, often alone, to model for strange people with cameras who I have often never met.  An error was made, and it was one that completely disregarded any common sense about communicating logistics, which is a huge part of being a professional in any field.

There was a time that I would have felt guilty for turning down a job because someone made a mistake. I was more desperate then, and I didn't have the sense of self and confidence that I have gained since beginning my work with Sekhmet. I don't have to justify myself to anyone. I'm better than that. I'm making at least enough by myself to keep my head above water. I go on fantastic adventures with photographers who drive me into the woods, or the desert to secluded places where few humans ever tread. I don't need people who give me the run around. I'm building relationships with awesome people out here who want to have a continuous mutually beneficial arrangement as professionals in our field.

I work hard to communicate clearly, put everything on the table, and be open to bartering when it comes to rate, and the budget of the photographer. I do my damnedest to make sure that  I am comfortable, safe, and that the photographer is as well. I won't settle for anything less, and that's ok.
I'm worth it, and so are the people who I actually choose to work with. This is one of the biggest ways I've worked with Sekhmet and applied it to every day life. She is the Lion of War (physical as well as internal battles), she is Strength, and the lessons I have learned from her have been invaluable.

Smooth Sailing

After last month's ups and downs, August looks to be a much better month.
As planned, I've been praying to the goddess Columbia, offering my support against the "Response" and the "christian prayer warriors" who do things like pray for people they don't agree with to get cancer and go blind.

I'm currently visiting Seattle, and have gone on numerous adventures since my arrival to the area. After my first rideshare flaked out on me, I managed to procure one just hours before I needed to leave to get to a scheduled photoshoot.

After my shoot (which was awesome) I went on my first motorcycle ride for the next leg of the trip. I clung like a backpack to the guy driving, while mentally praying to Sekhmet to give me strength, while zipping down the road at 80mph and going over hills from Tacoma to arrive at my destination in Seattle. It was pretty intense to say the least. Though apparently I didn't do too bad as a passenger.

I had to make an emergency trip back to Portland, where I made an offering to Sekhmet, and did some cleansing work before I left for Seattle again.

Since then I've been around some wonderful magical people, and done a lot of photo shoots. In the past few days, I've been all over Washington state, accidentally discovered an army training facility in the middle of the desert, got paid to do all sorts of crazy things, and went frolicking in a frog pond (there were dozens of them) and got pictures taken while skinny dipping as a creature from the black lagoon (I was covered in pond scum, and had fish nibbling my toes; it was awesome)

Work is coming steadily, and I'm making connections left and right out here for future work when I live in Olympia. I've already nearly made what I need for my portion of rent/deposit for the apartment that Erelin and I are planning on getting. I've still got six days out here too! It's looking to be a very promising month, and hopefully, I will be introduced to more people out here soon.

I'm terribly sunburned after yesterday's adventure, but It'll pass pretty quick. Right now I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit, before another shoot tomorrow, and invoking Sekhmet to enjoy the big beef heart in the fridge that I'll be grilling up later.


Monday, July 25, 2011

Spiritual Warfare

I've been reeling from some things in my home life recently, and now I'm picking myself up and getting back to everything I put on the backburner. At the same time, I've been informed of a very disturbing situation forming. I urge you to read the Wild Hunt's article on the matter.

Spiritual warfare is very real, and more people need to be aware of what is happening in our country, and around the world. These people are practicing what many would call "black magic" forcing their will onto others, wishing harm upon those who will not conform to their ideas of what is right in the world. I grew up in an Apostolic church. I know what some of these people are capable of, and it's some scary scary shit.

It doesn't matter what your religion, or non-religion is. The fact of the matter is that these types of people are growing in desperation, and are already doing things that kill people who they don't agree with. I'm sure everyone has heard about the tragedy in Norway. Shit like that can, and has happened here in the states. For the same stupid reason: "these people are different from us, and believe something different than us so they must be evil"

We are mages, witches, priests, and priestesses, kings and queens of our domain. Do we not have power to change things? So why aren't we? Have we gotten so complacent, so jaded in our journeys into the self, that we forget our fellow man? How many of us do workings to aid the whole? The world, and the people in it? Is it because of the questionable ethics of meddling in the lives of others? Then what are we doing when we pray for the well being of a friend or a family member? Are we doing wrong then, if we didn't ask for their permission first? I don't think so, and I don't think you think so either. (though if you do, I'd love to hear more about why in the comments)

So what do I think we should do? What am I going to do, at very least? I am going to join other pagan bloggers, and start praying to Columbia. I'm going to make a conscious commitment to think about what this country stands for, and to put energy into preventing people from perverting that purpose. Did you know that in Texas the school board is writing Thomas Jefferson out of the history books? It's because he coined the term "separation of church and state" These people are not against warping history, and destroying facts to further their agenda.

Beyond that...I don't know. I just know that the foundation of our country is under attack, and that if the attackers had their way, there would be no compromise, no peace, only domination in the name of a being that they don't even come close to emulating.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Planetary Timing, Going With the Flow

The house is feeling much more secure and clean after my spur-of-the-moment magick the other night. I still have yet to do a reading to find out what that was all about, but everything seems ok for the moment at least.

Life is returning more or less to normal, with the added bonus of possibly noticing a pattern in regard to events and planetary hours. To explain, I've been working on selling off my lizard's 6ft cage, so I can move an 8ft cage in. It had gotten to the point that I needed to get the cage out, and had offered it to a local pet store if they would just come and pick it up. They were supposed to pick it up at 11am tomorrow.

I got an email this evening, during the hour of mercury, from a woman who had seen my ad, and wanted to come look at the cage. I called her back, and she came over to see it. She seemed to like it, but needed to call the snake breeder to see if the cage was right for what she needed. I told her I was available until 2am if there was any way that she could confirm that she wanted it, and could pick it up tomorrow.  So she went home to think it over, and to try to get ahold of the snake breeder. (It was past 10pm at this point) 

I realized after she left, that the email she sent me had been sent and received during the hour of Mercury.  I glanced at my planetary hour chart that I keep on my iGoogle home page, and it showed that the hour of Saturn had just started, soon to be followed by the hour of Jupiter. I decided to make a prediction based on this. I got ballsy enough to tell people in my friends circle (on facebook) that I was making the prediction, that within the next hour, I was going to hear back from this woman, and that she was going to take the cage, and that it would all be done before I had to leave tomorrow to Seattle.

I'll admit, as the hour of Jupiter was starting to draw to a close, I got nervous. I found myself thinking to myself "What if I'm wrong? I'll look silly to my friends, the people who matter in my life!" Then she called, with fifteen minutes to spare. Everything went smoothly, she offered a fair price, and we'll be getting it out of here by 3pm tomorrow afternoon.

I'm slightly nervous that my ride to Seattle has been silent for two days, despite attempts to call him, but I'm just going to kick back and trust the Universe on all of this. Why worry? The worst that happens is I have to postpone my trip by a few days, and I might have to clean up some lizard poop on the carpet. Pretty small thing to worry about if you ask me. It might put some plans to meet with potential clients on hold, and that might be a little embarrassing, but these things always happen for a reason. Something good is bound to be headed my way, even if it's not what I had planned. In times like this, it's good to just go with the flow :)

This is the little bastard who I'm going through all of this for btw. He's cute, so he gets away with making my life a little hectic. I suggest starting it at 0.15 then you avoid me blathering on with a camera in my face.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Prayers and Candle Magic

Things had been going swimmingly for a little while, and just the other day I hit a serious low spot. Being forced to suddenly re-evaluate your life plans will do that to you. I took the week off to deal with the situation, but thankfully the bounty of work I got last month will easily make up for this. Something strange happened last night though.

As I was turning off the lights, and getting ready for bed, I was hit by a sudden jolting need: I needed to pray. I didn't know why, but it was something I needed to do. I didn't know if it was for me, or for someone close to me, but something was wrong, and as I was setting up my altar, I felt the need to strengthen my wards and protect myself.  I took a white candle, and from bottom to top carved my desire to be protected, to be safe from harm. I finished setting up the altar, lit the candle, and prayed to both Anubis and Sekhmet. I thanked them for walking with me, and standing by me, and I asked Anubis to stand with me, and protect me from those who wish me harm, and I called upon Sekhmet to illuminate any negative situations or individuals lurking in the shadows that I needed to be aware of. I asked her to protect me, to help me to find my inner strength, and to reflect back any negativity being sent towards me.  I also asked that if there was anyone close to me who was at risk of being harmed, to grant them the same protection as well. I felt them both at my side, Anubis on my right, Sekhmet on my left. 

At some point during all of this, I became aware of a presence nearby. At the time it seemed as if something was actually stalking around my wards, possibly even testing them. This was incredibly unusual. I'd had encounters like this as a child, but never as an adult. I'm still unsure about what this actually was.

I focused on the candle as it burned, letting the warmth fill me, and my home, my sacred space. I saw the light pulsing around the candle flame, and let the energy expand outward, cleansing all negativity from my space, and establishing a wall of light around my place of living. I exploded this energy outwards several times, establishing that this was my home, my territory, and that I was protected. Whatever the presence was, went away while I was establishing the burning wall of light.

I stayed at my altar for a good two hours, letting the candles burn down, strengthening my wards, and centering myself. The candles burned cleanly, and without any problems. By the time everything was done, I was exhausted, and had no problems getting to sleep.

This was also actually the first time that I had worked in conjunction with Anubis and Sekhmet. I had worked with them separately, but something told me last night that I needed to work with them together. Hopefully the other times won't be for things so concerning.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Difference Between Faith and Knowledge

Yesterday I was waiting at the trolly stop, just a few blocks from home. I'd just left the bookstore after meeting a potential client over a cup of hot chocolate, and the purchase of a book on how to read and write Hieroglyphics. At the trolly stop with me, was a gaggle of girls play-fighting amongst themselves, and one jokingly pulled out what she said was actually mace. I observed them for a couple of minutes, and when everything calmed down, I asked them if it was actually common to carry mace. I never bought or carried mace even when I lived in Seattle. I just didn't feel that threatened. (The worst I had happen was some guy trying to pick me up because he thought I was a prostitute, since the part of town I was exploring apparently never expanded beyond preconceived racial boundaries. So in the minds of the people there I didn't belong there otherwise.) Apparently they thought it was very common for women to carry mace, and thought I was either hardcore or stupid for not carrying it. They'd had experiences where they had actually been jumped in some of the "bad" parts of town.

This really comes as a surprise to me. I've heard this sort of thing from other people, about having issues with gang members jumping them, with girls beating them up because they thought they were "looking at their man" for a multitude of reasons. I've been in the "bad" parts of Portland. I've walked through what were apparently "gang infested" parts of the 'burbs, and never had the slightest hint of an issue. Up until recently, I always thought it was a case of not dressing like you're looking for trouble. I keep winding up in places right after something bad has gone down though. Whether it's showing up at a train stop after something terrible happened, or coming out of a mall and walking into a park where half of Portland's best, are running around with guns as big as they are, after a nearly fatal shooting. I've walked down streets in my own neighborhood, and I always seem to show up at scenes right after someone has been cuffed, and is being prepped to be taken away. Somehow I seem to just barely avoid walking into dangerous situations. 

These girls I met were also not dressed like they were looking for trouble, and were dressed pretty casual. They were friendly, and happy to engage me in conversation, even though I kind of butted in. They appeared confident, their body language didn't say otherwise.

This really strikes me as interesting, and I have to wonder if I've just really been that lucky, or if something else is at work here. I've only recently started implementing the body language cues that Sekhmet has helped me with, so it's definitely not that I "looked confident" all the time, and avoided the label of prey by others. When I was kid I was a constant target of verbal bullying, and even some physical bullying.  - nearly all of that was before I became Pagan, and really focused on becoming a Mage, and established a working relationship with Anubis. The last time I can remember being in physical danger, was when I snapped in High School, and showed someone who had picked on me and tried to harm me for years, that I was a force to be reckoned with, and that I wasn't afraid. It was the first time I had actually stood up for myself instead of just trying to avoid conflict. My methods weren't the best, but they definitely shook things up. I showed the universe that I was willing to walk my talk, and that I understood the severity of the consequences that can come with that.

So, where does this tie in with my luck in not getting jumped by gangs? :) One, I still think that appearance has something to do with it. I still don't wear bright red or blue, and prefer more subdued colors. I also don't look the least bit threatening. (that last bit could also be used against me in some cases!) Two, I'm NOT looking for trouble, and I'm usually ignorant of any "territory" or anything that I could be trespassing  in. Three, I know I'm actually protected. I don't go out of my way to do things that could put me in harm's way, and I always use common sense... But Anubis is always there. It could be that others who would try to harm me sense this, without any conscious knowledge of it. His energy is cold, and constricting, and quite possibly intimidating to those who aren't familiar.  Now with Sekhmet, I carry something else with me that I can use, which I've also discovered works hand in hand with my charisma.  I am protected by my gods, and whatever powers that be. I think in part, this is the difference between faith and knowledge. You can have faith in something all you want but actually knowing can take things to another level. This is the difference between being an armchair magician and and actual practitioner. I faltered for a while, but I'm glad to know that I'm the latter. :)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

An update on the previous post

After bouncing some ideas off of people, I think I finally came to a mundane explanation for why my altar nearly caught fire. A few days prior, I had used a special oil to clean everything, and some may have still been left on the ceiling of my altar, which would have had the potential to heat more quickly than the wood, and start melting/burning the laminate underneath- which then superheated the wood. Talk about a a chain of cause and effect! So while the event seemed very unusual, it was probably wrong of me to jump to conclusions and try to give it a magical explanation. Either way, I'm going to figure out a different situation for altarspace in the apartment, just for safety's sake.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Hot Jupiter

 ( Excuse the bad astronomy joke)
 I started doing a rite for a friend, to help him gain better financial stability in his life. I figured I would do some simple candle magic, carved his name into the candle, along with the seal of Jupiter. I asked for the assistance of Jophiel, thanked them for the bounty of opportunities I've had lately in becoming more secure in my health and my finances, and put my intent and energy into the candle. I noticed the flame was devouring the candle much more quickly than usual, but didn't pay too much attention to it. After a bit, I realized my eyes were burning a little, and I smelled something burning, more than just the candle. A little bit of examination showed that the ceiling of my altar was burning, and the shelf above it was very hot to the touch. Not wanting the smoke alarm to go off, or my altar to catch on fire...I snuffed the candle, made sure nothing was still burning, moved the altar-tile that I use to burn candles on, and re-lit the candle elsewhere, without any further problems.

I found myself wondering what on earth was it that made the candle burn so much hotter than usual. I use the same standard size, and nothing had really changed about my altar space. My mind went back to a post I read on Head for the Red and how Jupiter is firey. The thing that strikes me as odd about this, is that with all the work I've done with Sekhmet, her candles never had that effect. I lit them in exactly the same place, they were exactly the same size, and she devoured her offerings with vigor.  She's a very firey entity, so what happened? The only thing I can think of, is that in the case of my other work, the candles have been purely offerings, and were not used to send out intent-filled energy to help another person. Perhaps with the combination of working with Jupiter, and trying to "send" that energy, the heat intensified to the point it could burn my altar? I'm honestly not sure. For safety's sake though, I'm not using that same space for altar space anymore.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Battery Russell

Not a whole lot new here. I've mostly been busy with my modeling work, doing some sculpting here and there, and generally being kept pretty busy with everything. Today though, I went out to the coast with a photographer, and we went somewhere interesting: Battery Russell.

Battery Russell is an old WWII gun site on the northern coast of Oregon. It's famous for having been attacked by a Japanese Submarine during WWII, and having 17 shells dropped on them during the war. I didn't know much about it when I was wandering the dark hallways there, and climbing into small dark spaces to get unique angles for the photographer to shoot. I kept hearing something strange off and on though while I was there. I kept hearing a rattling chain, not unlike a chain on a dog leash or something. I'd thought it might have been something on the camera stand, or maybe something on the backpack, but never did see anything with a chain. I thought it was a little odd, but just kept working. I'd figured the place was probably haunted, though I didn't feel anything other than your typical "this feels sort of strange" that you get in old abandoned places, though I wasn't actively looking for anything either. I was busy working after all. I didn't give it much thought until I came home and did some research on the place for fun.

 Apparently the place is known for being haunted, and not only that, but haunted by a guy who has a rattling chain.  Could just be a coincidence, but the photographer and I plan on taking another trip out there for more photos for a sun-rise shoot in the future. I'll definitely be paying more attention then. It could be interesting :)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Magick of Confidence

If there is one thing that the Sekhmet work has been doing for me in a big way, it's helping me with my confidence, and helping me discover, and utilize my own inner strength. Sekhmet came to me as the Lion of War, and while she certainly has the capacity to tear apart what opposes her with her fangs and claws, her true power lies in Confidence. A lioness doesn't doubt that she can take down her prey. She makes her plan, and she strikes. If the hunt is a failure, then she sets out to find another target. There is no room for doubt; there is only room for Strength. Sekhmet has been teaching me how to listen to myself, but how to ignore fears that nag at me, with no rational explanation. She's taught me how to ignore the whispers of my shadow, and how to gain a healthier sense of how to cultivate my Ego.

Since I've started working with her, and using the tools she has revealed to me, I've grown in more ways that I think I realized. Accusations by strangers that would have seriously hurt me at one time, now mean little to me, unless what they have said has any actual substance. I've been learning to push my boundaries, and trust my instincts. I've been using the tarot to do readings to make sure that I don't push myself into situations that would be potentially harmful.

I'm sending out my confidence to the universe, along with my humility at the gifts that I have been given. I radiate something now that I don't think I had before. People have started noticing, and it's helped my modeling work in a big way. My finances are now under control, and I'm making business connections left and right. I now even have some opportunities as an actress that I'm going to be exploring in just a couple of days! To top all of that off, I've also been given the opportunity to be initiated as a Neophyte in an Order up in Seattle! I'm to be initiated in just a couple of months :D

Things are definitely finally coming together, and I think being fired from my old job was a blessing in disguise. I'm now self-sufficient in ways I've never been before, learning things and experiencing things I never have, and I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.  Things are looking up, but I wouldn't have had all of the opportunities I've had, (and have coming up!) without the confidence to take the steps I've made to make everything a reality.  I've got the help of my friends, both magical and non, to thank for that as well :) So here's to the future, great friends, and a wonderful Summer!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Results

So, by now I should have had something put together about the results of the experiment. There's a perfectly good explanation for this, I assure you. After the second day, The experiment ran into a problem- mainly that I had a severe reaction to something I ate, and was unable to get to sleep at a reasonable hour to wake up the next morning at the right time. Because of this, I was unable to complete the experiment as I wanted to. I do however have two days of data, and in the future I plan on re-doing the experiment with a something in mind.

The weather: I was really happy and energetic the first two days. However these days were also days with lots of sunlight, a rare event in Portland. It's entirely possible that this had nothing to do with waking up during the hour of Jupiter, and more to do the fact that I was finally getting a healthy dose of sunlight.

So while I have some data that suggests that there might have been some positive effect, I can't discount the fact that those days were also the first days I actually saw sunlight for over a month. I'll re-do the experiment during a time when there aren't huge factors that I need to consider when determining the "source" of an event.

In other news, I finally have one of the tools I needed to complete the Sekhmet blade, and I'll be doing that shortly.  With luck, I should have some photos soon after.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

More Planetary Studies, and an Experiment

I think I may have started to notice an interesting pattern in regards to planetary hours and their influences.  I've noticed that when waking from a night of sleep, into the hour of the moon; I'm much more groggy and have a harder time of being able to tell if I'm awake or dreaming. A trend along these lines seems to stick with me most of the day. My head will feel like it's in a fog, and it'll be harder to focus.

While I've been unable to find any material on whether the hour you wake up into has a significant effect on your entire day, I'm starting to wonder if this is the case. If so, this is something that could be, and should be harnessed to increase my success in health and finances. So, as an experiment, I'm going to try to wake up ever day for the next week, during the hour of Jupiter. If I see an improvement in my overall health and the money I'm bringing in, I'll probably start experimenting with the other planets in the same manner. It would also be interesting to see if the hour in which you go to sleep also has any affect on the trend of the following day. That'll be for another experiment though :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Spring Cleaning

Apparently while I was gone, some neighbor decided to start harassing us. Until this morning when we found a scribbled note shoved under our door, demanding that we clean our apartment because it makes the "the whole floor smell" it was unknown that this was even directed at us. We're fairly sure we know who it is, and I'm determined to deal with this maturely.

I'll be the first one to admit, our apartment isn't the cleanest, but it isn't filthy. Despite that, I've been planning on starting spring cleaning, now that it's warm enough to open the windows, and cleanse this place from top to bottom. Time to cleanse, and protect my sanctuary that I call home, and deal with this harassment magically, since apparently these people are pulling passive aggressive bullshit, and have decided that we're a viable target. Time to bust out the sage, and pick up some oils.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

On movies and pagan deities

I saw Thor last night, and while I'm not Asatru, I am white, and have some Germanic heritage. The movie didn't bother me. I thought it was fun romp, laughed a lot, and still can't understand the controversy over Heimdall being portrayed by a black actor. The actor played the role well, regardless of his skin color. Some Heathens are crying out about how this is disrespectful to the god, and to their religion because of it's inaccuracy to what the old stories say the gods looked like. I don't get it. I really don't.

As an Egypto-Pagan, I understand that my personal religion is different than that of those who follow a Heathen path, but as someone who follows a path that incorporates Anubis as well as Sekhmet, I see a lot of misinformation and falsehoods about them all the time. Anubis is constantly being misunderstood by the mainstream as a "death god" or "god of the underworld" In film he's often portrayed negatively (Remember the Mummy Returns?) and even evil. This doesn't bother me. I see it as "this is not my god that they are portraying in the movie, just an entity that may or may not look similar and shares the name" They did not channel the god's essence into a film and somehow twist it in a form of blasphemy. Movies take an idea and run with it. They're fiction. Movies are meant to be fun, not fact. The exception is documentary-type work, that is intended to show an event in history.  In that case, we have every right to get out the red marker and start underlining everything wrong  with the film.

Skin color is nothing compared to having the very essence of who your deity is changed and re-packaged. I can understand people getting upset over the latter, but even then we have to realize that these are MOVIES, fantastical films meant to tell a fun story. These aren't our gods, they may share some characteristics, but these are fictional characters played by humans, or created by computer.  There's no reason to get upset about a comic book series from the 60s getting adapted into a movie that is intended to be nothing but fantasy.

Home again

As much as I loved my trip to California, spending time with great friends, and exploring the beautiful Santa Cruz coast; It's good to be home again. While I've traded the warm breezes, and bright sun of California, for the damp winds, and cloudy skies of Oregon, it's still home to me.

I received about half a dozen legit-seeming emails from people interested in working with me in Orange County after I left.  It looks like California isn't done with me yet :) I'll make a trip again sometime in the future, and I'll plan better this time. I learned a lot while I was down south, including more about what wonderful friends I've been blessed with in my life. California will definitely be seeing more of me, one way or another. This trip was about tying up loose ends, finding closure, and seeing how much I've grown and changed since I was forced to leave California in late 2005-2006.

While I'm having some difficulties here, I'll adjust. I'm always growing, always changing, and It's definitely been for the better. And next time, when I travel back to California, I will find a way to travel back to the desert, and return to the hill where I met Anubis years ago when I almost died on a cliff. A part of me did die at that time. It was the part of me that felt alone, and fearful. It was the part of me that gave up when faced with a challenge. That part of me is no more, but I will return to pay my respects to my past, and the god that gave me the strength I needed.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Tarot and protection- addendum

While on a trip, it's not be a bad idea to do a reading on the safety of time you actually travel. While faced with the decision of leaving my traveling companion behind, to stay longer in SoCal, I did a reading to look at the viability of staying another day or two, and finding my route back home by myself. The reading was grim. The 5 of cups reversed was influencing things negatively, and my future was the ten of swords, the final outcome was the five of pentacles reversed. The 10 of swords and 5 of cups had shown up in a previous reading of my traveling companion, but the meaning wasn't clarified. It showing up in a similar way as before, but more clear, was very worrying. So I decided to continue with my companion to return up north. I found myself thinking however, a little while after we got into the car. "Did those cards only represent that particular path of the future, or is it in play now?" No less than 15 minutes after I had that thought cross my mind, the car started to go almost out of control, and my traveling companion wasn't responding. We almost hit the guardrail north of LA going 60.

I'm not sure if we would have if I hadn't interfered or not, but I sure as hell don't think it was just a "coincidence" and plan to take this lesson seriously. 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Tarot and protection

I've been using the tarot A LOT on this trip, and it's a good thing too. It's helped me to weed out the creeps from the professional photographers in my modeling. When you're an independent in a strange city, much less the LA area, I've discovered that it's extremely important to exercise caution. The LA area is apparently much more dangerous than I gave it credit for. Growing up in a small town, despite growing up in a town with gang violence didn't properly prepare me for what I'm dealing with out here. Even my experience with the sleezeballs in Seattle doesn't compare to what I'm seeing out here.

I've been contacted by multiple people for work, and responded to countless ads for models. The majority of people who've actually responded, or contacted me have been sketchy at best, dangerous at worst. Apparently out here, calling yourself a "model" can be code for saying you're a prostitute. This has given me some serious problems with people yanking me around, and trying to get more out of me than I ever agreed to. I've decided to turn to the tarot to evaluate every potential person that has shown interest in working with me.

Because I've now used the tarot spread to evaluate clients multiple times, and it's proven to be invaluable, I want to share the spread I'm using. I found it here.

The spread goes like this, and the link I discovered it from, called it the  "Golden Moon" spread, based on the individual who created it. 

1...2...3
4...5...6
7...8...9
....10...

1. About this person
2. What you should know about this person
3. The persons distant past
4. The persons recent past
5. The persons present situation
6. How he acts towards people
7. His intentions
8. Secrets he's keeping
9. What you should watch out for.
10. How to protect yourself.

This spread gives a detailed view of the individual you're wanting to know about. It also gives enough information that it becomes possible to extrapolate further information about the individual that explains the "how and why" of why they may act a certain way, or currently have certain traits.

In at least two of the readings I did earlier today, potential clients were of dubious safety, if not downright dangerous. The readings spoke of how the individuals used illusion to mask their true intentions and could not be relied on or trusted. That was enough for me. Am I loosing money by not taking the jobs? In theory, yes I am. But that's only a theory. There may not have been any money in the first place, and my readings have been accurate enough that I truly believe that I am avoiding serious harm by evaluating potential clients through the tarot. This spread has proven to be a valuable tool to me, and I will continue to use it whenever I feel it's needed.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Tarot work update

Just came back from a great photoshoot, and it looks like I was pretty much on the ball. I overestimated any potential negatives, which is a good thing in this case. The photographer had been moving around a lot though, and was working on establishing himself in a new territory, and was somewhat unsure of himself. I've got some more work coming up, and I'll be using the same spread to examine each person I will potentially be working with.

Tarot work

So here I am in sunny California! What are my plans here? Well, hopefully to get some modeling gigs and make a little bit of money. The trick here is how to stay safe, and make sure that I'm not getting into anything I'm not expecting.

For this I've started turning more and more to the tarot to evaluate potential opportunities, and the people offering them. Since I'm going it on my own, without an agency, and working with mostly independent photographers, this makes things much more interesting, and safety is something I really have to consider when I'm in unfamiliar territory.

In this case, this afternoon I'm meeting a photographer at the subway station, and then we're headed to his studio. I've never met this person before. I can only go by what my gut tells me, and what other people can, if they have available references. I discovered a nifty tarot spread on a tarot forum that seems to be helping e greatly with this problem. It focuses on evaluating individuals through ten cards, to give you an overall view of their personality, quirks to watch out for, and how they got to be where they are.

So far I've discovered that this individual is prone to being a perfectionist, feels like they have little control in their lives, and goes from project to project. They've found some success, but seem to be somewhat melancholy despite it. They strive for acceptance and trust with those they work with, and desire to be seen as someone of authority. They have a lot of energy, and could be considered a bit of a fast-talker.

I can best deal with this person by being assertive if needed, and communicating clearly. Pretty typical photographer with some self esteem problems, and easily dealt with if they end up being shady. I've been doing this stuff for a few years, I know the type. Probably harmless, the cards aren't warning me of malicious intent, just that they might be a poor communicator and feel self conscious.

I'll be letting people know if I was on the money with all of that after I get back from the shoot. I've been trying to study the tarot a lot more lately while I've been on this trip, so It'll be interesting to see how accurate I am about something so specific.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Changes

I've noticed some interesting changes in myself since I began working with Sekhmet. I'm starting to rediscover my own confidence, and I'm starting to feel that itch to do things without worrying about whether something could go wrong. I'm learning how to live again, and it feels wonderful.

I've found that I've become more aware of my body language, and the messages I'm sending. I've started walking with my head held high. I've started not automatically stepping out of someone's way when they're trying to take up the entire sidewalk. I've started taking the initiative to show that I am someone who won't take take shit. Yes I will fight for things I believe in.  This used to be who I was, back when I was walking the streets of California as a kid. I went on adventures, I took risks, and I don't know when or why I changed. Somewhere along the way, I turned in this this submissive person who was afraid of upsetting people, and who just tried to get out of the way of the rest of the world.

I am finding myself again. I can feel my inner fire burning in a way I haven't for at least half a decade. I'm taking this, I'm using this, and I'm spurring myself forward. I'm taking a trip to California, the state I grew up in, and I'm returning to Southern California, where I first encountered the Gods. I'm feeling this pull, this need to go there, and I feel like something is going to happen. I think I've reached a crossroads, though I'm not sure for what. I'm sure I'll know soon though.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Divination

I had a very positive reading about everything. It looks like I was just in a toxic environment before, and things should be picking up soon. I pulled some cards I'd never pulled before too! That was interesting. All the signs appear to be good though. Time to jump into my endeavors with both feet, and see where it takes me!

Planetary work

So as you might know, I've been working on becoming more familiar with planetary days, and hours, and how they affect things.

Just a little bit ago, I was sitting in front of my computer working on getting some new job prospects, when I got to thinking about my planetary workings. I realized it was the hour of the sun, and it had actually just become the hour of the sun, and decided to use this for some serious reflection, and to offer a little love to Sekhmet for some help I got from her about a week ago. (she helped illuminate a situation I wasn't aware of, which became pretty serious quickly)

I made an incense with cloves, myrrh, some rose hips, and some cherry wood, lit a candle for Sekhmet, and used the time for reflection on things that have been happening in my life, and what I can do to improve things.

I realized a few things. One big one, was that if I'm looking for new work, I should see what has hindered previous Jupiter related work, (if anything) and what I can do personally to give my life the boost it needs. Pretty common sense, but with all the change in my life in the past couple weeks, I'm reeling from it all still, so getting that insight is valuable. A lot of good things have been happening, and it could be that this is a blessing in disguise since It's spurring me forward back into modeling work. There's some potential there, but how much is unclear.

I'm going to be away for a week starting on the 27th, and arriving in SoCal on the 30th in the evening. I'm going to hopefully be scouting out/getting some modeling gigs while I'm down there. If I can't get anything this time around, I have a few gigs waiting for me here when I get back, so that's a plus!


I'll be doing a divination tonight to look over the situation as a whole.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Reconstructionism

I realize that I have some very strong views about this topic, and that I may have said some things that could be construed as harsh or even rude towards others working in the Egyptian pantheon.

So I figure I'll explain what I mean when I'm bashing "reconstruction-ism"
There are people who take what we know of ancient faiths, and act like they have reconstructed the religion, and that it's as pure as it was several thousand years ago. Reconstructing an ancient religion in its entirety isn't possible, as we lack cultural knowledge from that time period, and other things have certainly been lost to time. It is those people who arrogantly stand and say that they have recovered the old ways, and that their practice is the same as the ancients who I am bashing.

I take bits of knowledge of what the ancients did, and do try to reconstruct some of it. I use titles such as "Lady of the Flame" for Sekhmet, or "Opener of Ways" for Anubis. I try to understand how they were viewed and revered, so that I have a better idea of the nature of these gods. I try to look at the history and what was going on at the time periods that they were worshiped, so that I can gain an understanding of the culture of the time and how this reflected onto the views of their gods.

To those who do the same, you have my respect. To those who take ideas and and bits and pieces and say that you have the religion of the ancients, I consider you foolish at best, blasphemous at worst. I practice a modern religion based on ancient gods, not an ancient religion in modern times. I think it's important to make this distinction, as it's something that isn't focused on much in the pagan community. There is a disturbing lack of academic scholarship and knowledge in the pagan community when it comes to understanding the gods and the times that they came from. Because of this, we run the risk of whitewashing the very gods we claim to worship, and do them wrong by not bothering to learn their history. The ancient world was a bloody place, and people died a lot. Most people died before the age of 5. It was ravaged by disease, poor harvests, and "barbarians" We can't begin to understand what this was like unless we live it. We can't begin to understand the religion or the gods as they were then. Even reconstruction-ism is a modern creation, no matter how hard we try for this reason.

 I understand the reasons for trying to reconstruct what we know of a religion, but saying that it's pure is misleading and foolish. That's my take on the matter.

Friday, April 15, 2011

An update on the Sekhmet Work

Not too much new to report. The work with Sekhmet is going very well, and we seem to be on decent terms at this point. It looks like there's definitely a lot I can learn from her, if my chat with her last night was any indication. Working with her seems to be just what I needed to give my life that extra boost I've been looking for. I've become more assertive, and willing to make requests of my superiors. I've been able to say things like "I'm not coming in to work today, I'm sick" if I'm actually ill, and need a day or two off from work. 

Things like this used to be a problem for me. I would always be afraid of upsetting someone, even if it meant that I might get hurt if I didn't say anything. I'm learning how to speak, be heard, and use it for personal empowerment. Even if that empowerment is only being able to take care of myself and my health, and becoming more confident in myself and my abilities, both magical and non.

I've been warned that there will be times when things will get rough, and that there will be pitfalls, but it's life, and learning how to roll with the punches is a big part of the living experience.

Being willing to try for something is what got me accepted to the college that I'm going to be attending in the fall, and what should be getting me the hours I asked for at work. My boss implied that I should keep an eye on my work email for schedule changes, so I'm taking that as a positive sign.

The Sekhmet blade is also coming along very well. I've sadly had to remove more of the metal than I would have liked, but removal of the weaker and diseased parts of the blade was necessary. The blade itself is nearly finished. I'm waiting on some better tools, and the cherry heartwood for the handle, which should be coming in the mail in a few days from a  special supplier on the east coast.

The blade has a fantastic shine to it though, and what remains seems fairly strong. Once the blade is as good as I can get it, I'll be tempering it, and polishing it before it's set in the handle. I should have pictures soon, I promise.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Knocking on Sekhmet's Door

You've just knocked on a neighbor's door.  If you've had a poor interaction with them in the past, they'll be slow to come to the door, and harder to coax into helping you with whatever project you need them for, even if it's just to borrow a cup of sugar, or maybe an egg or two.

That's basically how I try to think of calling forth an entity these days. I think it's a healthy view that allows oneself to consider how they're communicating and acting with the entity that has been summoned, and what kind of relationship you're building.

My first attempt at summoning Sekhmet a while back, was kind of craptastic. I gave her no reason to come to the door. My offering was poor, and I didn't understand that an offering is meant to be a sacrifice, something that took time/effort to obtain. She eventually came to the door anyway, realized I had decent intentions, and didn't write me off entirely. It wasn't a bad start, but it could have been a lot better.

This time, I had the offerings I wanted. Everything else went wrong. My charcoal wouldn't light, so the incense I mixed for her, of myrrh and cloves wouldn't burn. The red candle I had selected for her burnt merrily however, and I decided to go on. I made do with grabbing a small handful of the myrrh and sprinkling it over the candle flame a few times as an offering with the candle.

I sat in front of the simple altar I had created, and I spoke to her. I asked her to come forth, I told her that I offered her a candle the color of blood. I paused, and I offered her the cloves and the myrrh as well, even though they weren't burning. Within a second of making that offering, the censer sprung to life! I was amazed, and opened my eyes as the smell of the incense I had made wafted around the room. It was clear that she had accepted the offerings I made to her.

I then thanked her for accepting the humble offering I had made, and explained to her my desire of establishing a working relationship with her, and learning the lessons that she had to teach. I felt that this was understood, and also explained how I was making a dagger in her image from a bronze spearhead, from a time and people who once knew her and respected her. I further explained that if she was ok with the idea that I would like to be able to imbue the dagger with her power in the future, so that I could use it in workings where it would aid me. She seemed to agree with this idea (yes, I'll have a picture of the dagger up in the future) however it would only be possible once we have established a better rapport.

She seemed pleased that I understand and respect her "negative" attributes  as much as her positive ones. She could only be considered a "mother goddess" in the sense that a mother lion will show incredible ferocity and Will to harm anyone who dares harm her cubs. There is nothing "gentle" about her. She's a stark contrast to Anubis, whose energy seems calming, and cold. There's a reason Sekhmet was called Lady of the Flame, and there's a reason why offerings were made to her in ancient times to quell her anger. She is the right Eye of Ra, and a goddess of divine judgment. To see her as anything less is foolhardy if you're approaching her.

Know who you're summoning, and for the love of god, don't whitewash them. If they were once worshiped as a warrior goddess who once nearly killed everyone while in a blood-rage, there's probably a reason for it. If you don't show proper respect at someone's door, you might get clawed up, or at very least have a bad start to a relationship. 

 

Saturday, March 12, 2011

To be Human

I read a short post over at Strategic Sorcery and it reminded me of something that I've had in my head for a long time, but never really put into words. It didn't just remind me, but it connected with me in the way that things sometimes do, and those things tell you that you're probably on the right track.

Some of you may know, that I've considered myself a part of the "otherkin" phenomena. Now, before you go running off after hearing that word, hear me out.

I'm going to give you a little background. When I was younger I went through some very traumatic experiences. After some of these experiences, I found that I didn't feel as "human" as I had before. I felt animalistic, and my mind connected it to the imagery of the werewolf. Except this thing that I felt I somehow was, wasn't my "enemy" it wasn't something I demonized. It was something that was an aspect of myself, and this image I had gained of myself as this powerful, fantastical creature, gave me strength, and helped me to protect myself from people and things that would try to harm me later.

I learned to see myself as an animal, and as a part of the universe. It probably sounds odd, but in learning to be a wolf, I learned what it is to be human. We are animals, and I think far too many people forget that, or want to make us into something that we are not. We are animals that can become Gods, but only if we are able to recognize and accept that we are animals first.

We are sexual, we are selfish, we are loving, we are opportunistic omnivores, and we just happen to have this big brain that allows us to make choices about what we do with all of it.

As for the otherkin thing, at this point I'm fairly convinced that despite any strange "phantom limbs" or any other oddness, that it's just that I saw myself as a wolf-thing for so long, that my awesome monkey-brain rewired itself in ways to fit that image, to physical sensations on my physical body.

It's just sad that it took me thinking that I wasn't "human" first, to learn that what it is to be human, is what it is to be an animal.

I think this is one the of the reasons I connect to the Egyptian pantheon so well. One of their core beliefs was basically Human+Animal= divine. The Egyptians understood that they were human-animals, and lived in ways that acknowledged this. They didn't worship nature- they were a part of it!

These are things that I think we've lost in much of modern civilization : We've forgotten how to be animals, and so forgotten how to be human, much less Gods.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Please stand by

I just wanted to let people know that I'm still around. Things have just gotten pretty crazy with my non-magical life right now, and I'm busy working, and teaching myself how to manage my time. This is a GOOD sort of crazy though. This is the sort of crazy where you pull lots of hours at work, make time to work out at the gym twice a week, and still manage to squeeze in a few hours here and there to be social, and do things around the house. It's hectic, but I should have my time management figured out enough to make another update in a couple of weeks.

This job is something I'd been working hard to find for a while, and it kind of just fell into my lap (or was enchanted into my lap, either way!) So here I am, busy as all hell, and diving right into more! :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Musings On Magic and Cultural Appropriation

In the pagan community, one often hears about "cultural appropriation" and how terrible it is. As a pagan myself, and having heard the numerous terrible things about people appropriating Native American culture and practices, and misrepresenting tribal culture and tradition, it's no wonder that cultural appropriation has such a bad name.

What does this mean for those of us who practice magic of a Jewish flavor, like Kaballah? For those of us who are not Jewish, who do not even have Jewish family or anything rooting us to it by blood or marriage, what business do we have using Kabballah? What business do we have speaking the god names, and working within a magical mythos that we have no ties to, other than practice? What does this mean for me as someone who identifies as pagan? I'm basically someone who has taken old gods of the Egyptians, the people who enslaved and killed Jews according to the Torah. How do I even reconcile the fact that I work with Egyptian gods, and yet work in Kabbalah, a system which I have appropriated from a culture that I'm not even a part of.

People who work in Kabbalah, and who are not of Jewish blood, are guilty of cultural appropriation. The question becomes, does that make it wrong? To answer that, we have to look at why cultural appropriation has been a problem in the past. To look at a more modern example, lets look again to the Native Americans. There are plenty of New Agers who have no idea what they're doing, who have no training, who try to run sweat lodges, and end up killing people who thought that they were some kind of leader. Great example, and a recent one. The person who ran the sweat lodge, appropriated native practices to fit his agenda- making money off of the gullible who thought he was some kind of guru. Then there are other people who claim to be shaman of a native flavor, without understanding what that actually means, and without having ties to any actual native shamanic tradition outside of the "new age" phenomenon. It appears that this mostly becomes a problem when dealing with people who claim to be a leader, a spiritual authority in an area that they have no business with.

There's a reason why cultural appropriation is so common right now. There's a reason why people are turning left and right to different religions and cultures to find identity. At least here in America, we don't have a culture. We don't have a mythos or framework we can turn to. Even our bedtime stories, our fairy tales, all come from a continent away. Cultural appropriation becomes a problem because we have no culture without adopting from another. The problem isn't so much cultural appropriation, but the con men who make a living off of it: the people who both exploit and discredit the cultures they are taking from. There will always be con men though, and there will always be people to fall for their cons.

Western magical practice is not exempt from this. How much "knowledge" was supposedly taken from Tibet, according to magical history writings in the early to mid 1900s? How much do Hermetic groups claim their lineages back to ancient Egypt, when it is likely not true? Western magic is rife with appropriation!

Now we're back to the question though: Is cultural appropriation wrong? I think the answer is no. Cultural "exploitation" is wrong, but the appropriation in and of itself is not. Appropriation isn't something that is going to stop, and is a big part of how we learn and grow. The thing we have to do as responsible mages, is we have to check ourselves. Do we have the authority to do what we're doing? Is something you're doing damaging to others who you may have taken ideas from? We also have to put our foot down when we see con men and women in our communities. If these people have less of a chance of flying under the radar, we will have done more to help the magical communities we know and love, as well as prevent others from becoming victims.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Books!

There's one thing a lot of people seem to dread getting for Christmas: gift cards.

I'm not one of those people. So when I unwrapped the box that contained my $50 gift card to Powells from Erelin; it was with a squeal of delight.

After scarfing down our burgers from Carl's, we headed out last night to the book store. In case you aren't familiar with Powells Books, and you consider yourself a bibliophile... It's safe to say you've probably never had your bookstore cherry popped, and should consider yourself still a virgin. Its the biggest book store on the west coast, if not in the world. It's a building the size of a city block stacked several stories high, and it's full of books. They have a huge selection of everything you could think of, including a rare book room, where I've seen old grimoires going for thousands of dollars, tucked away behind a heavy door.

I only had $50 however, so I made do with wandering between the metaphysical section and books on painting. I started with checking the carts off to the side of the shelves. As I was looking through them, Erelin spotted something I'd missed: a small hardbound copy of the Kybalion. It's missing its dust jacket, but it's in excellent condition. I never would have guessed that I was holding a book that was over 100 years old. I netted it for $10. Upon further inspection, it contained a card inside showing that it was once the property of a Masonic lodge in Chicago. It also has a name inside, with an address and a date. (Wilma C.Light 1116 Fteley Ave Sep. 1928) I love it when my books have a bit of history :)

I proceeded to find other things which were interesting, but not near as old. I'm now the happy owner of
The Kybalion, Hermetic Philosophy by the Three Initiates 
The Astral Plane by C. W. Leadbeater
The Kabbalah Unveiled by Macgreggor Mathers
An obscure little tarot pamphlet by Diane Ronngren, which apparently originally came with a tape set. (I'll be checking if I can find a copy of the tape contents on Mp3 or CD)
And I also picked up Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter by James Gurney

All in all, it was a great evening, with a great haul! Good thing I'm getting another bookcase soon :D